As a couples counsellors, Deida's unique emphasis on sexual polarity, on understanding the different ways women and men, communicate, relate and are, and the different ways in which masculine and feminine energies manifest and interact,  explains why many of this books, this included, become a before-and-after book for many women, tired of the usual bluff they find in relationship and dating books. It's a Guy Thing is still relevant and useful for women, even though it was first published in 1997.

This is a Q&A sort of book on all things  men. Most of the questions are something that most women have asked themselves, or are still asking themselves, about the men in their life. If you have read something else by Deida, you will find here what you can find in other of his books, but with a few more practical tips on precise queries. If you haven't read any of Deida's books, you will still be surprised by his bold, unique and challenging voice; yet, I would recommend you by read Intimate Communion first, to best understand what Deida means by sexual polarity and Deida's tantric approach to relationships.

GREAT 

Deida makes great comments and gives great advice throughout the book, but one of the statements that I liked the most was this: "This inner child responds when our buttons, our childhood wounds, get pushed. Our feminine button gets pushed when we feel unloved; our masculine button gets pushed when we feel constrained and not free to do what we want. In response to feeling unloved or constrained, we act like little children. “If you don’t give me the love (or freedom) that I want, then I’m going to collapse or close down or leave you.” No man is capable of always giving you the love that you want. When your inner child doesn’t get its way it will want to run away, collapse or kick back. Intimacy, like parenthood, is a practice that requires giving love to your partner even while he is pushing your buttons or kicking your shins. Love begets love. Punishment and withdrawal without love do not provide the basis for trust and real growth in intimacy". (loc. 2333).

TO IMPROVE

The book reads at times as a transcription of a real Q&A due to the constant repetition of the same statement within a given question, which is something that easily happens while giving a talk, but something inexcusable in a book in which an editor has put some work. The book would have benefited of a bit of verbal weeding.

NOT NEW
Having John Gray's Men are from Mars and Women from Venus among my favourite books on relationships, I found that many of the things that Deida says in this book were basically a repetition
of what Dr Gray had written in 1992 (Deida's book was written in 1995).

MISSING
Deida's analysis would have benefited from Gary Chapman's points in The Five Languages of Love (1995). One of the most important things you can do to re-energise your relationship is learning to recognise the way your partner gives love and wants love to be given to him/her.  The 'languages of love' aren't based on polarity, doing-receiving-giving kinda stuff, but on the way individual personalities (not gender or sexual energies) feel loved and express their love.

DANGEROUS
Deida says, "Very frequently in abusive relationships, for instance, one partner will have difficulty leaving even though it’s in her best interest. She has become addicted to the relationship". (loc. 1990)

I think that this comment should be amended or eliminated. People working with domestic violence victims will tell you that addiction is not what keeps most women attached to the abuser. Moreover, the statement, unintentionally I believe, puts somewhat the blame on the victim. 

A book for both men and women, Flirtology is a mix of flirting for dummies, an SOS guide to human connection  and interaction (not just romantic), and a clear-head common-sense advice on healthy dating, enveloped in Jane Smith's warmth, no-games, no-tricks, no-fake approach to dating.

Written in a very chatty and witty tone, the book is very well structured and clear, with any question you might ask already presented and answered for you. It reads easily and is not only helpful, but also very entertaining. As you could expect, there are many real-life examples, but the stories are short and sweet, to the point, never too many, never too long, never too self-centred.

This book will especially impact people who are very rational and have little tolerance for babble or BS, people who value common sense, honesty, genuine people and relationships, and appreciate warmth. Many of the things that Smith says aren't really that new or wow, and they were said before any anthropological project came into fruition, but Smith wraps things very nicely and links connecting with strangers, connecting for flirting, flirting and dating in a very organic way. Besides, the fact that she has lived and studied human connection in different countries and cultures gives her statements a depth and believability that other books don't have.

Smith's Flirtology System is what she calls the HOT APE system; the acronym stands for the main points of flirting: Humour, open language, touch, attention, proximity and eye contact.

I LOVED
Smith promises, "the book will: debunk the myths that surround flirting; give you sure-fire ways to avoid those awkward tongue-tied moments; make sure you never fear rejection again; make you believe that you too are a fabulous flirt; help you pinpoint what it is you are looking for; unlock the secrets of my H.O.T. A.P.E. system to bring out your inner flirt encourage you to practise, practise and practise (and have fun while doing it); give you the confidence to speak to anyone, anywhere get results, without ever compromising who you are."  (pp. 13-14). I think she delivers.

Smith debunks online dating and online relationships in a very matter of fact, scientific, rational way. If you want to connect you need to go out there, that is the place where most people interact and where most people, still today, find their partners.

Smith's advice promotes healthy relationships based on presenting a real version of ourselves to attract people who resonate with our real selves, making ourselves responsible for our own happiness, minimising physical attraction as main element of attraction and focusing, instead, in those things that we want to be there in, say, five years. Her deal-breakers section is really helpful and, again, debunks many myths. Are our deal-breakers really so?  She does not tell us which ones to chose, just to be serious and sincere with ourselves, so those main five we chose really matter to us long term and help us cut short relationships that aren't good for us.

Her advice on how to beat fear of failure and rejection is amazingly clear, simple, and convincing. Extremely helpful.

THE MAIN TASKS
> Get into the practice of talking to people asking at least one question to five different strangers, and try to build rapport with at least one stranger.
> As a question, anything, see how the other person responds, if they do positively continue building rapport.
> Ask open questions and be present while talking to the person, so that we take everything of what is happening in, the looks, attitude, body language, reactions and vibe of the other person.
> Walk up to strangers; smile at commuters on public transport; ask people questions which are more than a simple query about the time.
> Give genuine compliments to strangers.

DOWNSIDES
> The "what sort of flirt are you?' quiz was nice and sweet, but also too simplistic to help decide on a real profile.
> This is not a book for introverts as much as extroverts and shy people. Although many of the items of advice are applicable to anybody, introvert or extrovert, there are too many parties, pubs, and bars mentioned in the book to be something that an introvert would be going, wanting to go or enjoy going to. The pub and drinking culture are very strong in the UK; however, where I live, you don't find quality men in a bar, you find flings.
> Many times (I have experience that myself) flirting is interpreted as 'I am looking for a rout' instead of real flirty sassy get-a-date sort of thing. I wonder whether there is a reason for that, if it is cultural, and whether flirting has some lines that should not be crossed not to get into trouble. Nothing of the sort was mentioned or discussed in the book.
> Some of the advice she gives contradicts that given by other dating gurus. So, whom do we believe?

In alignment with the ideas and principles shown in Ruiz's The Four Agreements, the Mastery of Love approaches the basics of human relationships (romantic and non romantic) by going to the root of what love is, and how true happiness can be found and achieved.

Don Miguel Ruiz uses many metaphorical stories and fables to make his points, and, despite the simplicity of the language, he is able to convey deep and meaningful concepts. 

Some of the lessons this book teaches are:
- To have a successful relationship with anybody, no matter the type, you have to work mostly on yourself.

- If you don't truly genuinely love yourself, nobody will.
- If you don't respect yourself, nobody will. Actually, they'll abuse you.
- If you don't accept your body as it is, you are disrespecting yourself, you become insecure and an easy pray to your own and everybody else's criticism. Physical beauty is just an ever-changing idea that means nothing.
- See people for what they are, not for what they could be.
- Accept people for what they are, not for what you want them to be.
- If your partner doesn't have what you are looking for, look for another partner.
- Don't try to change the other person. People don't change that much. 
- You can't find happiness unless you are already happy inside. 

- You can't find happiness if fear rules your life.

- People vibrate at the same frequency levels and find/meet who they "are", not what they are looking for.
- Don't let your believe system (partly family inheritedy) and programming (Social/cultural conditioning) rule your life. You want to dream your own dreams, not somebody else's.
- Be true to who you are, and don't fake what you are not. The latter takes much more effort and makes your life more difficult and less fulfilled.

- Forgiveness makes you happier, as cleans out the poison in your emotional body.

- Accept that we are mind and body, and that our animal instincts are nothing to be ashamed of.

- In a couple, the only half you can control is you.

- Improvement is a a fight against your social programming, a 24/7 battle against yourself and your thoughts and emotional reactions.  

- We perceive the world with the eyes of our emotions. If they are dirty, we see a dirty world. If you see it rosy, rosy it is.

The book is very philosophical, and helps to clear up our mind when we have doubts about a date, a person with whom we are starting a relationship, or a partner/relative with whom we are having communication or relation problems. 

The book is also repetitive, ruthless and pitiless. In a way, tells us to stop with the excuses we give ourselves, do something or shut up. This is not a book for the faint hearted. Don't read it thinking that you will find a magic potion to date the hot new guy/girl on the block or sort out your family relationships. Still, it is a book worth reading, because in its few pages provides us with many useful ideas to ponder about what human connection is and can be.

Despite its title, the Mastery of Love lacks a bit of practicality regarding techniques to implement the advice given, except for some exceptions, and some final prayers, which aren't of much help if you aren't a believer. For ex. if you don't love yourself, how do learn to love yourself? f you are blind and you cannot see, how can do you open your eyes? If you have been abused since childhood, how do you learn to stop the abuse? If you are with somebody who has addictions, mental problems or anger issues, what do you do? Abandon him? Should you abandon any person with whom you don't have a fluffy initial relationship? That sort of questions. Although some of the things Ruiz mentions can be easily accepted, at least at an intellectual and spiritual level, the lack of practical techniques and exercises makes difficult for the reader to go from the intellectual/spiritual acceptance of the ideas and principles mentioned in the book, to a place where things flow naturally from the heart and you experience those feelings yourself.