Showing posts with label Psychology. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Psychology. Show all posts

Man's Search for Meaning by Viktor E. Frankl (2008, 2013)

, 27 Dec 2022

This 2008 digital edition of Frankl's 1945 book is a must read for every human being who wants to lift their spirit in moments of despair.
 
The book is structured in three different parts. The first one (Experiences in a Concentration Camp) and the Postscript (The case for a Tragic Optimism) fit beautifully together, and are the basis of Frankl's philosophy and psychotherapy system called Logotherapy. They are narrated in a very conversational way because they are, after all, a memoir. They differ greatly in style and tone from the second part (Logotherapy in a Nutshell), which is a summary of Frankl's therapy system, partially based on Frankl's experiences and observations as Auschwitz inmate, and partially on techniques and views of the world that he had started elaborating before he was sent to the concentration camp. This part is drier in style, way more technical and not as approachable for the reader, unless the reader is really into therapy or a therapist. 
 
Harold Kushner's preface to this 2008 edition is a good summary of the book main points, while Frankl's preface to the 1992 edition summarizes well how the book and Logotherapy came to be. 
 
The book has many pearls of wisdom, and is very uplifting despite the brutality of what we read. In all honesty, I already expected that when I picked up the book. Some prisoner's stories are utterly poetic despite their tragedy. I'm glad that those people's historical memoirs had been so beautifully preserved. On the other hand, this is a survivor's first-person narration of the events, so that allows for invaluable insights into the reality of the extermination camps and into the inmates' mental/emotional state and fortune.

Since we live in 2021 and we're pretty aware of the Nazis' atrocities against the Jews, most of the things that Frankl tells about his experience are somewhat lessened by the impact on the reader of dozens of documentaries and movies on WW2. It might have been chilling reading the book in the postwar era, when all the atrocities were still unfolding and the world  came to realize what had really happened.  What we didn't know before reading the book is that a new therapeutic model, Logotherapy, was greatly influenced by the Jew's suffering in Auschwitz, and that there is hope even in the biggest moments of despair. 
 
For the rest, Frank's take on life is admirable and full of wisdom, whether you are into Logotherapy or not. I especially liked his comments on love, the youth and unemployment, as they are still, more than half a century later, valid. 

LOGOTHERAPY, SOME CORE PRINCIPLES AND POINTS I LIKE
> The great task for any person is to find meaning in his/her life. Frankl saw three possible sources for meaning: Work (doing something significant), Love (caring for another person), and Courage in difficult times.
> Suffering is meaningless; we give our suffering meaning by the way in which we respond to it.
> You cannot control what happens to you in life, but you can always control what you will feel and do about what happens to you.
> Logotherapy aims to curing the soul by leading it to find meaning in life.
> What matters is to make the best of any given situation.
Man’s main concern is not to gain pleasure or to avoid pain but rather to see a meaning in his life.
> The aim of life is not to be happy as the seeking of happiness can increase someone's unhappiness.
> Suffering is unavoidable, is part of life, and we need to accept it and re-frame it.
> Tragic optimism, i.e., one remains optimistic in spite of the “tragic triad, or  those aspects of human existence which may be circumscribed by: (1) pain; (2) guilt; and (3) death and that we should say 'yes' to life in spite of all that.
> We may also find meaning in life even when confronted with a hopeless situation, when facing a fate that cannot be changed. For what then matters is to bear witness to the uniquely human potential at its best, which is to transform a personal tragedy into a triumph, to turn one’s predicament into a human achievement. When we are no longer able to change a situation—just think of an incurable disease such as inoperable cancer—we are challenged to change ourselves. (p. 116).  
> To suffer unnecessarily is masochistic rather than heroic. 
> Success cannot be pursued but it is an end result that the unintended side-effect of one’s dedication to a cause greater than oneself or as the by-product of one’s surrender to a person other than oneself.
> “Unemployment neurosis” originated in a twofold erroneous identification: being jobless was equated with being useless, and being useless was equated with having a meaningless life.
> Depression, aggression, and addiction in young people are due to what is called in logotherapy “the existential vacuum,” a feeling of emptiness and meaninglessness.
> But even if each and every case of suicide had not been undertaken out of a feeling of meaninglessness, it may well be that an individual’s impulse to take his life would have been overcome had he been aware of some meaning and purpose worth living for.(p. 143).  

SOME CRITIQUE
Frankl poignantly mentions that despite all the inmates being subject to the harsh situations (food and sleep deprivation, hard-work labor, extreme cold, beatings, etc.) some died and some survived, and he ways that, many of those who died did so because they gave up on life and lose hope in getting alive out of the camps and resuming their lives after the war.

I love most of what Frankl says and his attitude towards life. However, we cannot say that Frankl survived just because he had a specific mindset, hopes of getting alive, finding his family and publishing the basics of Logotherapy included in this edition, which he had already started writing before being taken to the camp. First of all, he was an intellectual and  a psychiatrist, i.e. a person with a strong mind, mentally stable with enough intellectual harnesses to re-frame anything in his head to give it meaning. He certainly was an optimistic, like it's in his nature. Not everyone was so well equipped mentally and emotionally. What's more, there must have been other people who, like him, had hopes of surviving, seeing their families and doing something with their lives in the outside world, but they never made it because, I can only hypothesize, their physique and immune system, as well as their mental state weren't Frankl's.  

MIND
This edition published in 2008 by Rider, but digitally in 2013. Published in 2004 in Great Britain by Rider, an imprint of Ebury Publishing. A Random House Group company First published in German in 1946 under the title Ein Psycholog erlebt das Konzentrationslager Original English title was From Death-Camp to Existentialism.

Archetype Cards by Caroline Myss & Janice Fried

, 27 Mar 2021

 What a fab deck! This is mostly a self-knowledge tool based on the Jungian's concept of the archetypes and on Jungian psychotherapy, but it can be used for intuitive readings as well.
 
The deck is really good quality and it reflects Hay House old ways of doing things, which is the right way of doing things:, good quality cards that shuffle well, aren't too heavy or b
> Great quality printing.
> Beautiful vibrant card back.
> Perfect card size (not to big, not too small).
> Glossy flexible cardboard.
> The cards come alphabetically ordered, but they can be shuffled if you want to use them in readings or intuitive exercises.
 >  Good quality sturdy packing box.

 
THE BEAUTY OF THIS DECK
Some reviewers have stated that this is not a Tarot deck, and this is true. They've also stated that the deck cannot be used in readings, and that's incorrect. The Tarot has many archetypal figures, especially the major arcana, and many of them are also in this deck, sometimes called the same (the hermit, the fool, the queen, the king, the knight) and others not so clearly (the goddess, the warrior, the king, the mediator, the priest, the lover, the judge, the destroyer, etc.). 
> The deck has many different uses. 
  •  It can be used for self-knowledge, to get to know friends, family and partners, or just a therapeutic tool to allow the patient's disclosure. Questions you can ask these cards are, for example:
    • -- Which archetypes in the deck show who I was/I am/need to be?
    • -- Which archetype is dominant in me/a given person right now?
    • -- Which archetype would balance me/a given person?
    • -- Which personality traits does this person have?
    • -- Which characters do you identify with and why? 
    • -- Which characters would you like to be?  
    • -- Which sort of archetypes are my parents, siblings or closed family members? Is there is a common archetype among them?
  • You can use the cards as a task-card or summary of Myss' archetypes. 
  • The cards can also be used in Tarot readings to add extra layers of meaning. 
  •  If you want to stretch it further, you can use these cards as consultation tool to dive into your dream's characters.
> The deck has a balanced mix of masculine and feminine energies.
> Characters go from childhood to mature age. 
> Excellent first introduction to archetypes. 
> The deck has 6 blank cards to add your own personal archetypes.

 
DOWNSIDES
> Bulky, heavy, hard to shuffle deck.
> The guidebook's printing quality  is average.
> The meaning given to the cards in the booklet is good enough, but less that I was expecting from Myss, who's an expert in the field.
> The contrast between the lettering and the background is deficient in the yellow, mustard or ocher colored cards, and, as result, the text is difficult to read. The same can be said of the aquamarine colored cards.This is a design and/or printing flaw that limits my enjoyment of the deck, as I struggle to read some of the texts on the cards.  
> Lack of ethnic and racial diversity. 
> Deck is bulky, heavy and difficult to shuffle.
 

Living an Examined Life by James Hollis (2018)

, 18 May 2018

Although the world is full of people who will tell you who you are, what you are, and what you are to do and not to do, they wander amid their unaddressed confusion, fear, and need for consensual belief to still their own anxious journey (locs. 83-85).
The last book by Hollis is perhaps the most accessible didactic and approachable book he has ever written, and the one I would recommend to anybody who wants a shortcut to his work. In Living an Examined Life, Hollis has somewhat put aside his usual erudition, academic writing, psychologist jargon and complexity of thought, and made a serious effort to address those points of his discourse that I've always found a bit vague or difficult to understand for the lay reader. However, no sacrifice has been made regarding content, and you will still find his usual depth of thought, understanding of human suffering and nature, his compassion for human nature and weakness, his analysis of preconditioned inherited ancestral behaviour and complexes. There is, as usual in his work, a call to live our own live with purpose, taking responsibility for it, to honour our true nature and live authentic and genuine lives, to work vocationally because our vocation is the expression of our soul not just something we do doe fame, money, power and social accolades.

This book is is not a book with solutions to our problems, waw waw waw, but sound advice on how to overgrow them by changing our attitudes, behaviours and way of  seeing them, by going inside ourselves and taking responsibility for our deeds, and changing anything that stops us from being who we truly were born to be. It demands sitting with our discomfort and asking it which message is bringing to us. It demands from us doing what we fear the most, learning to love our unlovable parts and scrutinise our inherited values and decide which ones are meaningful to us. In a way, we are asked to become medieval-alike post-modern warriors, and go in search of the evil dragon inside us to free our true self.

The book is structured in twenty short easy-to-read chapters, which Hollis recommends reading one per day to let the material sink in. I did so, but, if you have read most of his books, I don't think that is necessary. Otherwise, by all means.

SOME OF MY HIGHLIGHTS
There are so many paragraphs and comments that really made the reading very fulfilling and satisfying to me. Herewith a few of them:

>> Chapters 10, What gift have you been withholding from the world? is beautifully profound, yet simple; it speaks to the soul without the need of calling any gods, and it is a call to authenticity and honouring our  true selves.

>> Although Hollis devoted a whole book to the Shadow, nothing comes nearly as clear to a definition as the one he provides in this book:
The shadow is not synonymous with evil, though great evil can surely come from our shadows. Rather, I would define the shadow as those parts of us, or of our groups and organizations, that, when brought to consciousness, are troubling to our concept of ourselves, contradictory to our professed values, or intimidating in what they might ask of our timid souls (locs 1379-1382). 
>> One of the things I have criticised Hollis for in the past is for his vague definition of Second Half of Life. Hollis does a great job at defining what that exactly means in this book:
The second half of life is not a chronological moment but a psychological moment that some people, however old, however accomplished, however self-satisfied in life, never reach. The second half of life occurs when people, for whatever reason — death of partner, end of marriage, illness, retirement, whatever — are obliged to radically consider who they are apart from their history, their roles, and their commitments. Every  (Locs. 402-405).
>> Hollis almost-utopian parenthood model is utterly beautiful, like a step ahead of our times, perhaps; something that, if I had children, I would try to implement so that my unborn children would be whatever they wanted to be, to shine their light or perhaps their inner crap without judgement, if that is even possible. My mother, an almost illiterate very traditional lady, very restrictive in many ways, always told me to do what would make me happy, and that despite her condition of submission to parental, fraternal and marital figures. That is the most empowering thing that my mother did for me.

>> Hollis' call to re-evaluate our life authorities is perhaps the most revolutionary aspect of his work, and also one of the things that gives me the most comfort. It makes me realise that we all live in the same existential mess and forces me to be more compassionate with myself and others:  "Tiny in a world of giants, we reason that surely the world is governed by those who know, who understand, who are in control. How disconcerting it is then when we find our own psyches in revolt at these once protective adaptations, and how disillusioning it is to realize that there are very few, if any, adults on the scene who have a clue as to what is going on." (locs. 155-157). Growing up requires that we accept that no one out there knows what is going on, that they are as much at the mercy of their complexes and unconscious mechanisms as the least of us, and so now we must figure it out for ourselves. (locs 1699-1701).

>> Hollis munching about happiness is precious; he debunks happiness (the pop version), I know, I know, nothing we would like to hear when we are reading a book to help us with our problems. However, Hollis' focus on seeking meaning, instead of happiness, because that's more important for the soul. He says that meaning is an organ of the soul. Amen! But perhaps meaning is the new happiness.


SOME QUERIES
>> Given the definition Hollis makes of Second Half of Life, I wonder why he and other psychologists keep using Second Half of Life, repeating something that, for what he says, it is totally imprecise and misleading. Why not turning the tables and using a clearer truer term, like, for example, True Maturity, True Adulthood or anything of the like? Second Adulthood, which he uses at times in the book is also misleading because some people only become adults after a crisis, so that is their first psychological adulthood no?  I know people in their 40s that are still as immature as their teenage selves and resist to grow no matter what happens to them.

>> I found myself munching about the following statement:
Virtually every client with whom I have worked over the last four decades has had to struggle mightily to find a personal path, a journey that is right for him or her. They all find their journeys impeded by parental limitations, pressures, and models.(locs. 1333-1335).
I wonder, if we have a true self that is specific and intrinsically us, call it our inner nature or character, compensate some of those impediments? I mean, obtrude our advance despite not having much baggage, or making us jump hurdles easily?

>> Regarding his ideal model of parenthood, I found myself questioning if different family structures and ways of relating, as those we see in different parts of the world (say, for example, Anglo-Saxon, Mediterranean, Middle Eastern, West-African) can do this in different ways that are still healthy for the psyche but coming from different cultural backgrounds?  

>>  Hollis is very keen to remind us of the wonders of therapy and how therapy can change our life, but, as I have said in other reviews of his books, it is not possible for everybody wanting to grow up, evolve or resolve our problems to pay for therapy. I understand that Hollis does not want to spend his time to teach us something impossible, to become therapists by reading a book. However, I still think that he would be able to provide with a bit of more exercises to allow us to go inside and get more juice of his teachings. Just saying.

>> Hollis bluntly states that rites of passage are missing in our contemporary culture. I consider that true if we talk of passage rituals as seen in traditional cultures and the times of our elders. However, I consider some young people's wild behaviour as rites of passage, it is just that it does not come associated with meaning and an integration in society, these rites are mostly of separation from the nest and assertiveness of the self with regards to parental and authority figures.  On the other hand, women had rarely had rites of passage in traditional cultures, as the rites of passage were for men and those traditions considered women like second-class humans, souls and brains. So, in a way, many women have only male rituals of passage to imitate. I wonder whether young women behaving wildly, as wild as men, these days are just taking on passage rites that once were male because they don't have a substitutive that brings power and meaning to their lives. On the other hand, I also wonder whether we have new female passage rites, meaningful and specific to the needs of women, aren't just also a passage rite for many women. I don't mean any fanatic feminism, I mean real meaningful feminism, the one that allowed women to vote, get equal salary, and be able to access jobs that were just only allowed to men, and so on. I would love to hear Hollis thoughts on this. You are welcome :)

IN SHORT
Living an Examined Life is a book easy to read, meaningful, thoughtful and very comforting, but also a bit repetitive and impractical at times. Not a book with cookie-cutter solutions or rosy advice. I can only say that I always come back to my highlights of this book when I have a bad day, feel awkward for being myself, and find myself immersed in misery and stuck in ways of being that I know don't work for me. Hollis is ready waiting for me, with a hug to comfort me, a whisper to my ears to wake me up, and slap on the face for me to react to. Are you up to the task? For whatever reason, I think this book is especially suited to introverts, who are naturally seekers of introspection and depth.    

Jung. A very Short Introduction by Anthony Stevens (2001)

, 8 Feb 2018

Jungian writers are usually complex beings with complex language, a high level of education, abstraction and symbolic understanding. Probably that is why the attract like-minded people, but not everybody wanting to learn a bit about Jung is prepared for the complexity and depth of Jungian everyday talk. So, if you know nothing about Jungian Psychology and want to start from the foundations without having to go through bothersome highly complex language, this is your book.

This basic introduction has everything you need to know about Jung, the man, how his life and personality shaped his contribution to Psychology and Science in general, the basic concepts and themes of Jung's approach to the human psyche, mental illness, psychoanalytical practice, his troublesome relationship with Freud and his supposed pro-Nazism. The chapter on Dreams is perhaps the weakest part, mostly because Jung's dreams chosen  seem a bit too complex and symbolic for a book that tries to be approachable and addresses the general public.

The language used is concise, approachable with the bare minimum technicalities, yet, with enough depth to make you understand the basics on which to build your knowledge about Jung and Jungian Psychology.

This is a good Kindle edition with good-quality photos, but the final index is not linked, unfortunately.

Finding Meaning in the Second Half of Life: How to Finally Really Grow Up by James Hollis (2005)

, 1 Dec 2017


Life is not a problem to be solved (loc. 3093).

This is the third book I read by Hollis, a Jungian psychoanalyst who specialises in the so-called middle passage, psychological true maturity and individuation. Hollis has the virtue to have me to stop and wow quite often, and this book was not different. Finding Meaning in the Second Half of Life  engaged my head and my soul, spoke to me and my hunger for transcending reality as imposed to me by gender, age, and cultural constrictions, which I have always instinctively rejected as being addons not truly me. 

Because Hollis is a former academic with a background in Humanities who became a properly trained Jungian therapist later on in life, his writing is colourful, literary, sophisticated and very polished. His discourse goes from the mundane to the philosophical and the spiritual and does so in depth, without the usual psycho-babble you find elsewhere in pop-psychology these days. If you have a good level of education or self-education, are familiar with Jungian terminology and approach to the psyche, and love reading books by people who preach by example, this is your book.

BREAK WITH EVERYTHING
This is perhaps Hollis' most revolutionary and confronting book on the subject. On the one hand, in this book Hollis does not provide you with any shortcut or present a rosy view of anything, especially of your future in you decide to stay right where you are, doing what you do. Hollis debunks romantic love, traditional family, professional success, consumerism, pop ideologies, the many obsessions and addictions of our daily life (the obsession with health, youth and media included), New Age and herd behaviour, and does so without bitterness.  His definition of soul as psyche, his emphasis on the power of the myth and  symbols to the well-being of society and the healthiness of the psyche, his castigation of major religions as not really spiritual, among other pearls, might be controversial.

DON'T CRY BABE
On the other hand, Hollis won't tell us how we have to lead our life, how to behave, or how to do things. He says that the middle passage will only be successful after going through our suffering, finding out from where it originates,  burying our old set of values and ways of being, and giving birth to others that are more in tune with our soul's desire.  We have to leave being and  playing the victim, and assign a positive spin to our life dramas or moments of despair.

This book is a call to listening to our deep calling, to taking responsibility for our own life, and to moving beyond repetitive patterns of behaviour and personal history. Each person has a journey that is personal, nobody else's, so there is no cookie cutter to cut the fat, we have to de-construct our false self ourselves.

Feeling good or getting comfort is not the aim of this book, nor is numbing your pain, but  that of enlarging your life and achieving wholeness. Without the suffering, the non-suffering is taken for granted, so suffering has a function, to allow you grow up and appreciate things more.

According to Hollis,  the two major tasks of the grown-up to be aren't money, position, possessions or Prozac, they are: 1/ The recovery of personal authority, to find what is true for us and find the courage to live it in the world. 2/ The discovery of a personal spirituality that resonates with us, and is meaningful to us, no matter what other people think, and be willing to stand for what it is true for us. A kind of Braving the Wilderness.

Everything Hollis wants to say is, "If you do not like your life, change it, but stop blaming others, for even if they did hurt you, you are the one who has been making the choices of adulthood." (locs. 3210-3211). Ouch!

TOUGH LOVE
Hollis has a great compassion towards human suffering, it is tuned to the needs and troubles that one faces when crisis strikes in adulthood, because he has been there himself. However, because he's a depth therapist, he won't tell you what you want to hear if you are going through depression, anxiety, desperation, marital crisis, empty-nest syndrome, professional crisis, and so on. He will tell you what you need to know, so you get something out of your pain through your pain, you become yourself, dare to show your self to the world, and became the individual who your soul always wanted you to be:
 "often, inexplicably, it is the soul itself that has brought us to that difficult place in order to enlarge us" (loc. 212).  
DEFINE ME
Hollis is really good at defining the main words and concepts he uses throughout the book. My favourite are the following:
> Soul = "our intuited sense of our own depth, our deepest-running, purposeful energy, our longing for meaning, and our participation in something much greater than ordinary consciousness can grasp" (locs. 169-171).
> Ego as "that thin wafer of consciousness floating on an iridescent ocean called the soul" (locs. 230-231).  > Self as "the embodiment of nature’s plan for us, or the will of the gods -- whichever metaphor works better for you". (locs. 237-238).
> Complex/es as a "cluster of energy in the unconscious, charged by historic events, reinforced through repetition, embodying a fragment of our personality, and generating a programmed response and an implicit set of expectations."  (locs. 1273-1275).
 > Doubt = a form of radical trust, a trust that the world is richer than we know, so abundant that we can hardly bear.  (Locs 2944-5).

Hollis succeeds at explaining why the problems of the second half of life are almost a new thing, and also the direct link between the disconnection with ancestral myths and tribal rituals and the rise in individual and social neurosis and pathologies, and how the psyche longs for a connection with a larger deeper world in which certain personal and social energies are channelled, transformed and healed.

PONDER  WONDER
Although this is not a how-to book, Hollis presents us with some poignant questions to play psychoanalysts with ourselves. The most important one, to me, is: "If I have done the expected things, according to my best understanding of myself and the world, so why does my life not feel right?” (locs. 453-4). I think this is important because it doesn't focus on the world out there,  the image we project of ourselves, our achievements, how successful we are, how many houses, cars or jewels we own, but on how we feel inside.

Other major questions to ask ourselves are:
> What gods, what forces, what family, what social environment have framed your reality, perhaps supported, perhaps constricted it?
> Whose life I have been living?
> Why do you believe that you have to hide so much, from others, from yourself?
> Why have you come to this book, or why has it to come to you, now?
> Why does the idea of the soul both trouble you and feel familiar, like a long-lost companion?
> Is the life you are living too small for your soul’s desire?
> Why is now the time, if ever it is to happen, for you to answer the summons of the soul, to live the second, larger life?

Some queries to spear to ourselves when faced with the harshness of life (guilt, grief, loss, betrayal, doubt, loneliness, depression, addiction, or anxiety) are: How am I to enlarge consciousness in this place?  How find the meaning for me in this suffering? What new life is seeking to live through me? What must I do to bring it into being? What is the compulsive behaviour a defence against ?

When obsessed or addicted to something (shopping, alcohol, cleaning, working, exercising, whatever)  or engulfed by energies or practices that do not satisfy us internally, we should start reading the world psychologically and ask ourselves, “What is this touching in me?” “Where does this come from in my history?” “Where have I felt this kind of energy before?” “Can I see the pattern beneath the surface?” “What is the hidden idea, or complex, that is creating this pattern?” “Is there something promising magic, seduction, ‘solution’ here?” Also “Am I made larger, or smaller, by this path, this relationship, this decision?” 

DOWNSIDES
Although I loved the book, there are a few things that I consider delusions, not clear enough, or based on conceptions of what life should be. I don't think they are intentionally so, more, perhaps, the result of the author's age and the life he has lived, not as much of the life other people live.

1/ Tool-less.
Hollis is perfectly aware that most people have not the means, economical or other, to have therapy or psychoanalysis, even if they need it and want to. On the other hand, psychological blocks are usually black points in our eye that we cannot see even if they are in front of us, because they are right in the middle of the eye. That demands the help of a therapist, analyst or coach. I understand that Hollis doesn't want to provide a cookie cutter of an answer for anybody who is suffering from a personal crisis or wants to grow up and enlarge their lives, but I would have appreciated he making an effort, because, after all, he is a therapist and has the tools. It is true that the book has some suggestions about questions to pose to ourselves to start a inner dialogue (some of which I have already mentioned), but they cannot be answered if you are blocked, and some of them are too philosophical for the average John and Jane.  Many people will buy this book because they were expecting help, but many of them won't have the intellectual holders to catch everything that Hollis throws at us.  I hope that his forthcoming book will be more hands down and address the lack of practical advice that some might find in this book.  

2/ Muddle in the Middle.
Second half of life is a misleading title, because it departs from ontological  principles that do not reflect who we are as physical and social beings in the 21st century. It presupposes that we have a certain life span guaranteed on  this planet, and that around that half way we have a crisis, and that most of us have a grow-up spur at around the same time. I have said it before, my grandma died as an elderly lady at 48 years of age, so her middle age was 24 and she was probably in a corner by then having no way to go and unhappy to the core; there are women and men on this planet, right now, still living that way. Nowadays, 50y.o.a. is the new 40, or the new 35, or just 50 depending on one's level of maturity and physical state, and the culture and part of the world we were born or live in. On the other hand, a period that goes from 35 to 90y.o.a is a bit too vast! Or mid-life crisis being mostly between 35-45, well, it is a bit too precise!

3/ Mirage.
Hollis says that in the second half of life "We lose friends, our children, our energies, and finally our lives. Who could manage in the face of such seeming defeat?." (locs.  3096-3098). Isn't that a total illusion? The same illusion that generates the obsession with health? There is no guarantee that we aren't going to be killed while healthy or when young, that our families and friends are going to die before we do, or vice versa. It is the same illusion as believing that, by taking care of ourselves, we will delay death. In fact,  we could be super-fit and super-young and be run over a car when walking on the footpath. We might have to deal with the death of all our family when young, because they died in an accident, or killed themselves, or were killed.   

4/ The Brady Bunch.
At least in the Western World, traditional family is not about a man and woman marrying and having children. There are straight couples that don't marry, live together de facto for decades and decide not to have children even if they biologically can. Some uncoupled individuals decide that they have a maternal or paternal instinct and have surrogate mothers giving birth to the children they will parent and love. There are gay couples who live a very traditional life except for the fact that they are gay. There are  men and women who decide not to marry or have children, and join a monastery and form part of a bigger family. Others, won't join the monastery but don't need the need to marry or have children to become whole. The examples are endless. I say this because, asking ourselves what values and ways of being we want to pass on to our children, is a question that is not as valid now as it was 50 years ago. And sometimes Hollis speaks as if the only mature way of life was getting married and having children. I actually know many married people with children who have no maturity at all. I am not saying that Hollis is not aware of this, I am saying that the book does not always reads this way.

5/ Tongue Twist.
At the beginning of the book Hollis says that the aim of the book is to present things in a simple language that most people can understand. However, many times I thought that a 'commoner,' so to speak, would find difficult  getting through  them because of the vocabulary, the high degree of symbolism and/or abstraction. I think this is especially the case in the chapter on mature spirituality, which it is beautifully written but very elitist. 

5/ The pain of  the pen.
When you have remedial massage you learn that you get rid of your pain through the pain, as the treatment inflicts pain on the body. So, in a way, going through your suffering, as mentioned by Hollis here, is a bit like that. However his insistence on the suffering sounds a bit masochist at times. I am not saying that there isn't truth in what Hollis says, because I have experienced that to be true for me, but hey he insists too much on accepting the suffering and going through it. Some people won't be able to do that, and will collapse, just saying.We cannot blame them for not being able to stand the pain, find meaning in it, or  get out successfully from it.

6/ Spirited Away.
Hollis' insistence o spirituality starts very well, but it ends becoming a bit of fixation and, dare to say, 'religious'. There are ways of getting meaning out of life that aren't based on spirituality. Non nihilist atheists I  know find meaning in knowing that our transience demands awareness, living the moment, and making the most of our minutes, that meaning is found in leading an ethical life for the sake of it and leaving their offspring a good legacy, and are very mature and sound people. On the other hand, I also known deeply spiritual people whose lives are full of giving meaning to their suffering, and they haven't grown much inside and are still emotionally and psychologically immature.  

A QUESTION
Individuation is a personal individual thing, so things that constrict an individual won't constrict another, and things that helps to expand a person won't help another. Culture, family history, life circumstances are all impositions on the soul. I would have liked Hollis commenting on how different cultures, religious beliefs and language favour, more or less, individuals. Or put differently, is individuation easier or more difficult to achieve by members of a given culture, religion or linguistic background than ohers?  Does a culture creates more neurosis than another?


IN SHORT
This is a beautiful written book, lyric at times, quite hard at others that loves you toughly and tenderly, and shows you a way that is not what you might be looking for but it might be your best shot to succeed. The book will certainly satisfy those who love Jungian analysis and Jungian ways of looking at the inner and outer world that aren't simplistic and allow for our individuality to be recognised, developed and expressed.

One gets to feel how being a Jungian therapist is what Hollis was meant to be, because his book oozes passion for his profession, and for the wonders that Depth Psychology can do for anyone, not just if you are in crisis. He sees the Jungian analyst as a mediator with your soul and the self, and that is a wonderful way to put it. There is a lot of soul in this book.

Having said that, this book might not be useful or satisfying to you if:
> You are a convinced nihilist.
> You are very religious in a traditional way.
> You are looking for a New Age book.
> You need a book simply written with everyday vocabulary. 
> You are looking for a set of rules, step by step DIY system to solve your personal crisis.
> You need somebody to tell you how to solve your problems and how to get out of your misery.
> You are looking for something that is useful, but not that deep or complicated.  
> You aren't interested on Jungian depth Psychology and want a behavioural approach.

THE KINDLE EDITION
Great edition! I love when I get a book on Kindle, and I find it to be typo free, properly organised, notes properly linked back and forth, and everything as it is in a hard-copy. That demands from the editors giving a damn about us, customers, and I really appreciate it!

How To Keep People From Pushing Your Buttons by Albert Ellis & Arthur Lange (2017)

, 17 Oct 2017

This is a very enjoyable, practical and easy to read  book that gets to the core of what pushing a button is, why our buttons are pushed, and who pushes them. Although the authors are psychologists, and some of the exercises and reflections presented here use Rational Emotive Behaviour Therapy and Cognitive Behaviour Therapy, there is no theoretical mumbo-jumbo. The authors' analytical and didactic presentation makes it easy for readers to recognise what pushes our buttons and the ways to think and act when they are pushed so we don't overreact.

The core of the book is that nobody or nothing pushes our buttons, we do that ourselves, so we have to and can learn not to push them by changing our thinking and the way we react to what happens to us, or rather, by changing our thinking so our feelings are not irritated or numbed and we don't overreact or downplay what happens to us.

The main reasons why our buttons are pushed are five ways of being or feeling (1/ being excessively anxious or worried, 2/ being angry or defensive, 3/ being depressed or burnout, 4/ feeling guilty and 5/ over-reactive self-defeating behaviour) and three ways of screwball thinking (1/ catastrophising or awfulising, 2/ 'shoulding' or blaming ourselves or others, and 3/ excusing or denying  that we have a reaction when something pushes our buttons). If we control our thinking, our feelings will be under control, and we won't blow out any situation. We cannot control those people or situations that push our buttons, but we can control our reactions and the way we see, think and feel about them. And the best way to think in these situations is what the authors call 'realistic thinking', which is based on stating what we would like, want or prefer, it recognises the frustration or irritation that a given person or situation has on us, but enables us to have healthy legitimate feelings without overreacting.

Another core premise of the book is that there aren't many things that happen to us or people say or do to us that are really that awful, dramatic, damaging or disrupting for us to get upset when we think about them rationally. Throughout the book, there is a constant reminder that, if we take a step back and see things for what they are, those same people and situations won't have the same impact on us.

One of the things that I could relate the most are the ten beliefs that we use to let people and situations push our buttons, the first four being the most common. I certainly found my button-pushers reflected here. These beliefs are:  1/ worrying too much about what other people think of us. 2/ Fear of failure or of being wrong and unable to stand any criticism. 3/ Frustration intolerance, or the idea that we should always be treated fairly, even though we know that the world is unfair. 4/ The need to blame someone if any of the first three beliefs happen. 5/ The belief that worrying obsessively about something or someone will help to situations to turn out better. 6/ The belief that there is a perfect solution for every problem, and that the solution can be found immediately. 7/ The wish to avoid difficult situations and responsibilities instead of facing them. 8/ The belief that if we avoid being seriously involved in anything we will be happy or happier. 9/ Blaming the past for anything bad that happens to us in the present. 10/ The wish that bad people and things shouldn't exist, but they do and always disturb and annoy us.  

The main virtue of the book is that provides readers with a four-step process that will allow us to stop, reflect and react differently, still recognising those things that irritate and annoy us, but without over-blowing any situation. This process can be applied to any person or situation that pushes our buttons, in our personal or work relationships or in the myriad situations in which we have to deal with other people. The four steps not to have your buttons pushed (by you!) are: 1/ Ask yourself how you are dysfunctionaly feeling and acting in a given situation right now. 2/ Ask yourself what you are irrationally thinking about a) yourself b) the others in this situation c) the situation itself, to make yourself upset. 3/ Ask yourself how you can challenge and dispute your irrational thinking. And finally, 4/ ask yourself what realistic preferences you can substitute for your irrational thinking by starting by saying things like, I want, I'd Like, I'd prefer, It would be great if, I regret, I'm disappointed, I'm committed to, It's frustrating, etc. The secret is to use these steps over and over again until they become ingrained in our way of dealing with button pushers. Nobody is perfect at this kind of self-control, so the goal is to reduce our overreactions still being true to our feelings, and react less often and less intensely.

DOWNSIDE
The main thing that one can criticise this book for is for the unnecessary wordiness and an endless number of examples showing how to go through the four-step process. I confess, that it gets things sealed on your brain, because repetition really works, but so many examples are also boring and unnecessary. If you want to get a good summary of the book read the last chapter and will have everything perfectly summarised in a few words, and I think a booklet with the main points of the book might have been as successful in conveying the message as the whole book does. 
MIND
This is an updated version of the book of the edition of 1995.

TYPO
p. 57 appreicate
.

Cómo Integrar tu Sombra by Antonio Delgado González (2015)

How to Integrate your Shadow is a totally misleading title for a book that deals with different facets of the Jungian Shadow. This is one of the few books written on the matter in Spanish available on Amazon, and perhaps that got me overexcited. This work  incorporates part of a previous work by the author with some corrections and enlargements.

The book reads well, is well written in a classy albeit erudite Spanish with plenty of psychological and Jungian jargon, and will certainly please people who have an interest on the Shadow and, even more, those with a previous idea of basic Jungian concepts like Shadow, Collective Unconscious, Mask, and Individuation, and want to hear a new voice. I enjoyed the author's style and reflections on the Shadow, though, and I truly enjoyed chapter six devoted to individuation following the Dark Night of the Soul by St John of Cross, and the author's digging into some of his patients' dreams.

The author says in page 12 that he expects readers to find this manual simple, practical, and an incentive to help them to integrate the dark side of their personality. However, this is not a manual, this is not a practical book, and there is no way simple mortals with a basic knowledge of the Shadow could integrate their Shadow without the help of a therapist or, at least, with a how-to book guided book, like for example David Richo's Shadow Dance: Liberating the Power & Creativity of Your Dark Side. Besides, despite being well written and really enjoyable, the book is not didactic, pedagogic or even written in an accessible language for people who aren't familiar with Jungian or Analytical Psychology. If you come/came to the text thinking that you will/would be given tools to unveil and integrate your own Shadow on your own, a sort of d.i.y. sort of book, you will be disappointed. Besides, the author himself says in pages 76-77 that not everybody is able to gather the energy necessary to face their shadow exclusively in dreams, that they also need of Active Imagination (something that is not clearly defined or explained in the book) and, most importantly, by facing consciously our repressed wishes. How can a normal person do that without the help of a therapist or without a how-to book, is left unanswered.

The author also says at the beginning of the book that his approach to the different stages of how the shadow manifests and integrates differ from the more didactic approach of Dr Marie-Louise Von Franz and Wolfgan Giegerich, but his is closer to Jung's theories. Von Franz must have been quite close to Jung's intentions being a closer collaborator, friend and pupil? Just asking.

The author also states that despite the large bibliography in English about the shadow it seems that the has had little effect on the conscience of the majority of people. A statement that surprises as it comes from a psychologist, as not everybody reads English, not everybody has a comfortable life to devote their time to self-growth and exploration of the psyche, and those who have, aren't always interested in digging down into themselves and exploring their psyche.

RENDERING FOR KINDLE
The rendering for kindle, at least in my device, shows some signs of automatic conversion to digital format, as some hyphenations related to line breaks are left in unnecessary places, and some spacing necessary in the text is omitted and two words appear joined or the punctuation without previous space.

TYPO
> p. 31 resumiento should be resumiendo.

Powerhunch!: Living An Intuitive Life by Dr Marcia Emery (2001)

, 11 Nov 2016

 "What’s intuition? It’s a clear understanding that comes not from our logical mind— the part that knows how to do the math— but from a deeper part of our being." (loc. 188) "The intuitive antenna inside your body that picks up the pictures, symbols, images, ideas, and feelings from your intuitive mind and beams them onto the screen of your conscious awareness. This antenna is constantly receiving and transmitting messages from within and without." (loc.303)

THE GOOD

Powerhunch explains in a very simple language how intuition works, which sort of questions you can ask, how and when to ask them, and which sort of approaches you can use to help in your decision making or to answer precise questions, no matter how difficult or trivial they might be: personal relationships, job challenges, health issues, relocation, insights re situations and people, directions about timing and paths to follow.

Stress blocks our logical decision making, so intuition is  an  alternative helping hand. Besides, developing your intuition leads to developing your creativity, so you can just use intuition for artistic purposes. Intuition is not something that some special enlightened people have, we all have it, it is a matter of learning how to notice it, use it and handle it properly, how to cultivate it and how to weed it.

The book gives good advice on how to fire up your creative juices, how to work with visualisation, dream interpretation, learn when to risk, when it is the best time to do something, how to figure out somebody's dynamics, to solve romantic, social and work relationships, and find balance, release stress, promote self-healing and to use different breathing techniques to get you relaxed and favour the intuitive spark.

Dr Emery is a pioneer in the field of intuition and has a great knowledge of how intuition works, and how we can use it, so she provides the reader with a good deal of fun and easy-to-remember exercises. She uses a mix of intuitive exercises to open our physical, mental, emotional and spiritual channels, and mixes them up with dreamwork, synchronicity, and visualisation techniques. 

The many examples of real cases mentioned in the book come from the 225 people Emery interviewed for this book. 

The best virtue of the book is its practicality: the exercises and techniques that Emery  describes, and the clear guidelines she gives to carry them out. Some of my favourite exercises are the Yes or No button, the Powershift technique (which reminds me greatly of Jungian techniques for dream interpretation), the intuitive timepiece exercise, the environmental clues, and the metaphor exercise. 

THE NOT SO GOOD

> Powerhunch has a chit-chat tone that can be innervating at times. It does not favour the author either because dilutes her wisdom in a soup of blah blah blah, so her enthusiasm appears as rambling, and some of her colloquial writing more proper for a blog than for a book. Pity because many of the techniques Emery mentions are stupendous.

> Besides, the book has an endless number of real life examples, a good deal of them totally unnecessary.  I enjoy real life examples and the description of how a real person deals with a specific personal intuition clue, but if the examples are not to the point or too many they become a bother and not something inspirational or enjoyable.

> I find  shocking a PhD recipient making statements of this sort: Physicists have demonstrated the existence of eleven dimensions. (loc. 147-152) So, who exactly? Which are these eleven dimensions?

In cases like this I tend to blame the editors. Because, it is their duty to remove unnecessary fluff and demand from the author more substance, remove repeated information, help with the structuring of the work,  promote a reference note system when necessary and so forth. Also, the headings of the book are humongous in size, some of them occupying a lot of space, so they become another filler!



> We live in the digital age. Writing page after page describing a breathing exercise is a reflection of a bygone era. One can easily record an audio with the exercises and offer them to readers for download, so they can do some of the exercises using Emery's guiding voice. This wouldn't cost much, but could have brought the book to the present 21st century.

MIND

The book was published in the year 2001, so the bibliography is out of date.

TYPOS

> senstive to context (loc. 142)
> activtate your  (p. 26)

IN SHORT

An entertaining light introduction to develop your intuition based on Emery's course of the same name, Powerhunch! The breathing exercises and many of the intuitive exercises in the book are excellent, so I recommend making flash cards on your Kindle, or manually to use them once you finish the book, so you don't have to go all over again as there is a lot of unnecessary talking in the book that you don't need to re-read. 

MY ADVICE

If you are interested in developing your intuition, start with PowerHunch!, and then read Laura Day and Sonia Choquette's books. Personally, I think that Laura Day's  books Practical Intuition and How to Rule the World from your Couch, take you to places that Emery's never does, and the same can be said of Laurie Nadel's Sixth Sense. Some of the exercises that Emery offers in the book are also similar to those that Robert Moss recommends in Sidewalk Oracles but she did present those years before. 

SAVE SOME MONEY

I paid almost 14 bucks for this e-book, but the same e-book in another edition is sold at half the price in Amazon, PowerHunch!.

Customs of the World: Using Cultural Intelligence to Adapt, Wherever You Are by Professor David Livermore (2013)

, 1 Nov 2016

David Livermore PhD, President of the Cultural Intelligence Center and an expert on the field, will delight listeners with this entertaining, poignant and very helpful course that helps to understand the multicultural multifaceted world we live in.

If you have a high CQ (or  a high level of cultural awareness and receptivity) you will naturally gravitate towards this course. If you aren't, just give the course a chance, as the lectures will help you in your travels overseas or simply to understand your foreign neighbours better.

I have travelled throughout the world and on my own  quite frequently, so I can say that the advice given in the course is sound and well-grounded, and that Livermore's approach to the cultures of the world is quite accurate. There is a Spanish proverb that I love: "allá donde fueres, haz lo que vieres", which roughly translates, "wherever you go, do what the locals do"; this is, precisely, one of the main items of advice in the course.

I found the lectures most helpful to understand my life as an immigrant and I got a few ahas! and "that is it" from  the first twelve lectures.That it is priceless.

The course is not a list of dos or do-nots, although some of those are provided at the end of each of the lectures devoted to individual cultural areas of the world.

THE LECTURES

The course is structured in two main parts. The first part is an overview of ten pairs of opposed general traits that serve to define most cultures (lessons 3-12). The second part gives a general overview of the different cultural clusters of the world, which are configured by applying the criteria mentioned in the first lectures, as well as religion, family structure, and history. The course starts with a definition of what CQ (Cultural Intelligence index) is, and ends with a series of practical items of advice on how to prepare to travel to a country with a different culture.

The list of lectures is: 1- Culture Matters. 2- Developing Cultural Intelligence. 3- Identity—Individualist versus Collectivist. 4- Authority—Low versus High Power Distance. 5- Risk—Low versus High Uncertainty Avoidance. 6- Achievement—Cooperative versus Competitive. 7- Time—Punctuality versus Relationships. 8- Communication—Direct versus Indirect. 9- Lifestyle—Being versus doing. 10- Rules—Particularist versus Universalist. 11- Expressiveness—Neutral versus Affective. 12- Social Norms—Tight versus Loose. 13- Roots of Cultural Differences. 14- Anglo Cultures. 15- Nordic European Cultures. 16-  Germanic Cultures. 17-Eastern European/Central Asian. 18- Latin European Cultures. 19- Latin American Cultures. 20-  Confucian Asian  Cultures. 21- South Asian Cultures. 22- Sub-Saharan African Cultures. 23- Arab Cultures. 24- Cultural Intelligence for Life.

THINGS I LIKED

> Livermore is a wonderful speaker: very engaging, has a great tone, pitch and voice inflection, very entertaining and open minded. He is also able to structure and present the material in a way that is both easy to understand, and easy to apply to our personal lives and cultural context. He gives many examples of his personal life, which perfectly apply to what he is explaining.
> Livermore explains why some clichés and stereotypes aren't true and what lies beneath them, and repeatedly reminds listeners that what he is saying is general and cannot be taken as a black-and-white description. We are not robots, we are part of our culture, but also individuals.
> Another point I loved, is the the importance the Livermore gives to food, the foods, how food is eaten, table manners, table customs, etc. to see the values and characteristics of any given culture. It is very true!
> I found Livermore especially good at individuating a simple element within a culture, one that might be apparently not relevant, and turn it into a symbol of the culture he is describing. One of the best examples, to me is how he uses the Matrioshka dolls to explain the characteristics of the Eastern European block, or Ikea for the Nordics. There are many examples of the same type.
 > Livermore basically tell us to look at the world with fresh eyes, with less stereotypes and clichés, and to learn to appreciate the richness of ways of being and doing that humans exhibit, which aren't better or worse than any other, just different.
> I loved the fact that Livermore pointed out that the fact that a person belongs to a certain culture doesn't eliminate their individuality, so we cannot judge a culture by the behaviour of an individual, or vice versa.
> One of the best items of advice in the course is that we, Livermore included, have prejudices, and that the more we become aware of them, the better will be face other cultures and people from other cultures with the right attitude.
> We don't need to love or agree with the customs or culture of a given region or country, we need to respect them. It sounds simple, but basically I find most travellers I come across when I don't travel on my own doing just the contrary! Demanding. Disrespecting. Showing disgust because some people don't speak English or have a strong accent and a long list of grievances that are very painful to witness.
> This course has put Livermore in my author-to-follow radar. I liked a lot how he speaks, his attitude and the way he presents the material.

THINGS I MISSED

> One of the main divisions of cultures is the structure of family. Although Livermore mentions family structure when discussing some culture clusters, there is no specific lesson devoted to something as important. I thought that nuclear vs extended family was a lesson necessary and missing from the course!
> The same can be said of the role of women. Being a woman who has travelled on my own to many places, I can tell you that there is a huge difference between cultures where women are treated with respect disregarding whether they are married or not, and others where that is not the case. I missed a lesson on that. Too often, I find myself discussing things with male travellers about a given country or area, and we had different experiences basically because of our gender.
> The same can be say about cultures that are gay friendly or anti-gay. Some of my friends are gay, and you have to think about many things if you are married to a person of the same gender to certain areas or sleep in the same bed when going to certain parts of the world.
> Another element missing, although hinted during the discussion of cultural clusters, is the generational gap.The country where my parents lived in and the one I was born and grew up were two extremes regarding structure of the family, social hierarchy, power distance, open communication etc. That has been the source of great generational conflict. You have to be aware that if you visit my country and deal with old people you will find a set of values, and if you deal with me or people younger than me you will find another. So, I missed a bit of more emphasis on that.
>  In a way, when I picked this course I wanted not only to improve my CQ and to learn about other cultures, but also to learn how to respond to people from other cultures who have a low CQ but utter very offensive, albeit subtle, racist and very demeaning comments about my culture and country of origin mostly based on prejudice and ignorance. I consider responding well to those attacks and abuse part of improving my CQ. However, this is the most difficult thing in the world to do when one feels hurt or unfairly treated on the basis of nothing. I expected some advice on that, but nothing is provided in the course. Perhaps this was just an expectation, and not part of what having CQ is?



THINGS OFF 

> Livermore's  rosy version of the Anglo-Saxon culture and the British Empire. Really, I found offensive  the consideration that the British collaborated with local population and ignoring how the British crushed local populations,, how they destroyed Native Americans, Aborigines and any other culture that wasn't willing to accept their domination. Collaboration happened in some places, but the locals were never considered equals or equal human beings.  Do you remember Gandhi being thrown out of the train and tortured by the British? I leave it there.
> Livermore insists on us not using the information in the course to create stereotypes or clichés. Yet, if you choose a Brazilian as  an example of a person whonis always late or an Ukrainian as an example of rude customer service you are perpetuating the stereotypes! It doesn't matter that Livermore gives very successful explanations for those things.
 > I tend to excuse non-historians in their historical digressions. However, Livermore has a great authority when speaking, and I found a bit dangerous that some of his statements can be taken at face value. Like the one mentioned above about the British colonisation, or the statement that the cultural cluster with more influence in the world has been the Anglo-Saxon... well, just if you are part of that group. If you dig into the structure of your psyche, you will be astonished at discovering that the Western World and part of the Middle East fed on the Greco-Roman culture, ways of being and thinking that persist in our world  no matter you are a Norwegian, a German or an American. Then, the origin of civilisation is in Africa and in Far Middle East, not in Britain, USA nor even Australia. Christianity was born and spread from the Mediterranean, Islam from the Middle East,  Buddhism from Asia.
 > I find seriously ridiculous including Greece in the Eater European cluster. Yes, it is true that the Eastern Europeans fed on the Greek alphabet and Orthodox faith, but, 1/ Greeks are, re their ways of being, doing and thinking, basically Mediterranean and Southern European. 2/ They have never been nomads in the way that Mongolians or Central Asians have been. 3/They are in the Mediterranean, not in Central Europe or Asia. 4/ Greek Culture was the basis of  the Roman  Culture.  5/They have never been part of the USSR. 6/ Etc.!
> A few things are ignored to put Greek with the Eastern Europeans, and then Israel, a nomadic culture by definition, Arab in part is put with the Southern Europeans. Have you ever lived in the Middle East? Well, Israel fits there perfectly.


OTHER THINGS

> I was in Norway just a few months ago. The Janteloven, the "you are nothing special" that seems to infuse Norwegian culture that Livermore mentions so many times is in gus lecture. Older people complain about the younger generations being cocky, showy and too individualistic, so unless you are over 60+, Janteloven is not as important as used to be. Also Livermore mentions that Norwegians aren't in the EU as if they are too good and don't need it, but the fact is that other Nordic countries are in the EU, Norway cannot enter the EU because, if they did, their economy would literally be crushed; and also Norwegians have been historically linked or dependent to/from  other Nordic countries and they want to be just themselves and independent. 
> Livermore mentions repeatedly that "Work to live instead of live to work" is the basis of the Nordic way of living. Well as much as of the Southern European way of living! Just to give a personal example, I worked in Dublin, in a hotel, many years ago, to pay for my English school; most of the workers were seasonal young Europeans, North-Africans and Asians. According to one of the housekeeping managers, the difference between the Southern Europeans and the rest was that they wanted and needed the money as much anybody else, but once they finished work they wanted to have fun and free time, while people from other areas would prefer the money and work in their days off.
> Calling some European cultures "paternalistic" is perpetuating an American stereotype, no matter Livermore says he is using the word with a different meaning than it is used normally. Why not using "egalitarian" or "caring"?
> The comments on the role of women in Southern Europe is also biased and probably true for 80-90y.o. people. Yet, in the year 2016, the index of domestic violence in Sweden and Australia is higher than in some Southern European countries; of course nobody will tell an Australian ir a Swedish that their men are one of most violent and therefore quite domineering over women. 

Seeking Wholeness: Insights into the Mystery of Experience by Roland Evans (2013)

, 8 Oct 2016

Seeking Wholeness explores the nature of experience, and defines what process, flow, connection and wholeness are. Secondly, the book tries to respond to the question of how we become who we are, and digs into those elements of life that help us to experience life more fully. Finally, the book discusses the basics of living a whole life, regarding, health, job, love, relationships, 'God' and so on.

Life is like a flowing river, permanent in its constant flow and change. Perception is an illusion. We experience the world in a unique and personal way, and try to make sense of it and give meaning to our life. These are the points of departure of Evan's exploration of how through awareness of our experience we can grow and become more in tune with life itself and grow to reach the elusive Higher Self. Evans sees  experience as a process, and organises it in four categories:
> Outer process is the external experience in the world, the surface of the self.
> Inner process is the sphere of subjective experience (feelings, emotions, physical sensations, values, motivations, and reflective thinking).
> Deeper process is the realm of the subliminal and the unconscious.
> Greater process is the realm of spirit, the greater self, wholeness, completeness and connection with the essence of life.

Wholeness is presented as a natural flow of connection between all our processes, the outer and the inner world.  Wholeness is marrying the conscious and subconscious. Wholeness is constant change, transformation and growth. Wholeness is a deep body-mind connection. Wholeness is being in touch with our sensual experience. Wholeness is using pain, trauma and the upsets of life to grow inside and move on. Wholeness is a feeling of being connected to our inner self, other human beings and Spirit. Wholeness is seeing ourselves as a continuum that goes from birth to death in a process of constant mutation and adaptation. Wholeness is fluidity and flow, the contrary of being stuck.

 ***

Evans writes in a very understandable but elegant English, and his writing is intimate and connective, as if he were writing for you specifically. He has a great heart and seems to walk the talk.  He shows a great compassion and clear understanding of what makes humans miserable and happy. Evans shares many examples of his personal life, his feelings, his past struggles, family life, and how he came to be a psychotherapist. Evans also gives us a good insight of what being a psychotherapist is, how he works, the way he approaches his sessions, the sort of diggings he does, the techniques he uses, and what Psychotherapy is. Although there are quite a few references to real cases, they are not too many and they  are right to the point.

***

Evans, as any Jungian psychotherapist, emphasises the importance of dreamwork, synchronicity, and visualisation, and on how complexes and the "ancestral pool" work against us becoming whole. However, he is not a straightforward Jungian as he also practises Process Psychology "a set of tools for approaching experience as a moving, ever-changing flow, a movie rather than a series of still photos" as Ruhl says in the intro.  His practice also includes hypnotherapy and EMDR,

Evans candidly confesses that he came to Psychology and Psychotherapy trough  spirituality not rationality, and some of his take on wholeness is related to Subud, an Indonesian spiritual movement of which Evans is a member. However, many of the those spiritual principles are Universal and can be found on most religions. Although the book is very heavily sided on the Greater Experience (spirituality especially) to achieve wholeness, something, Evans has a sort of relaxed view of spirituality, which can be easily shared by lay people: "To write a completed poem is a spiritual act; to look your child in the eye with love is a spiritual act; to follow an insight to its utmost conclusion is a spiritual act. More than anything, to become more complete, more coherent is our spiritual task. It is not the specifics of what we do, but the realization of a connection inward or outward that makes everything sacred." (loc. 2706-2708). Evans also stresses the fact that connection with Nature or the elevation we feel inside when hearing some pieces of music as a spiritual thing and part of the Greater experience.

***

A FEW ODD THINGS
Although I enjoyed most of the book and I have a great respect and admiration for Evans, there are  a few things that read a bit odd, probably because of the phrasing.
>>> One of the things I find most disturbing in life is finding philosophies, religions of ways of spirituality that clearly consider women sons of a lesser god or simply second-rate souls. This being the case, you can imagine my shock at reading the following paragraph uttered by an Indonesian Subud spiritual leader:
"One young man asked him if there was such a thing as a soul mate and how should he find her. Sudarto got very serious as he replied in broken English: "Yes, you have a soul mate but she is hard to find. There is a woman in every half a million who has a soul, a good match with you. Better to look for that one-in-half-a-million than to keep waiting for your true mate. You can be happy with second best." He looked round at the circle of single and earnest men as we hung on every word, and burst into laughter again." (loc. 1667-1641).
It might be just a bad  translation of the episode, but it seems to imply that all men there had a soul but just some women do. I know that is not what Evans is saying, but you know, why leave the sentencing as is when it clearly has some sort of connotation?
>>> I think the following quote about couple relationships is also dangerous. "Now, you must decide on an appropriate action to reconnect your inner and outer worlds. If it is right for you to part, then be decisive— cut the psychic ties cleanly and unquestionably. If not, you may have to say you are sorry even though you think you did nothing wrong. When we take on the suffering of a whole situation consciously, with open heart, we create more space for connection." (loc. 2642-2645).  After reading it, I thought about all victims of domestic violence, who do just that, ask for forgiveness for something wrong they did not do for the sake of peace and find themselves further punished. Most of them cannot leave their abusers for many different reasons.
>>>The more a person attunes with the Greater process, the more that person seems complete. (loc. 1349). Although Evans is not dogmatic about what the Spirit is, he is a bit preachy on this. After reading the book, it seems that a person who is not spiritual can't ever become whole.  Agnostics and atheists might find not see the point of not focusing on the here and now to be utterly connected with life and the others. I know atheists who are more in tune with life, more ethical, and more whole than many religious and spiritual people I also know. I have seen too many people quoting the Bible and having a cross around their neck, babbling about having a sensitive soul and, de facto, being miserable human beings, bad people, and not attuned with Spirit at all I have seen deeply religious people crumble when their spiritual beliefs did not help them to give meaning to their suffering. For that to happen, you have to have the attitude "life is a valley of tears" and accept any crap that life throws at you. 

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IN SHORT
This is a great book if you are thinking about having a career as a counsellor or psychotherapist, if you are quite religious and believe in God, or just very spiritual. This book is not for  you if you are deeply agnostic, if you are an atheist and don't think that your life needs of transcendence beyond the right-here right-now to be whole. There are many pearls of wisdom in the book, and a great compassion towards our humanity, so it is a great read. Yet, this is not a self-help book, Evans himself states, "Can you recognize the patterns that keep you entangled? Do you know yourself well enough to find the shape and meaning of your whole being? These are essential questions that are impossible to answer without assistance." (loc. 208-209). 

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RENDERING FOR KINDLE
>> The book does not have  the notes in the paperback edition.
>> The book does not have  the index in the paperback edition. 
>> The bibliography is outdated  and no book after the year 2000 is to be found.

However, the book is much cheaper than the hard copy, and is a compensation in a way. Yet, I would like authors and editors to be more mindful and produce e-books that are as good as the printed version of the book. Of course, this requires more time and effort, but produces  a final product that is whole.