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Older Women, Younger Men: New Options for Love and Romance by Felicia Brings & Susan Winter (2000)
, 17 Oct 2020
Now that I've finished this book, having dated some much younger men myself in the past it reflects very well some of my experiences, obstacles and challenges when dating them. Surprisingly and sadly enough, despite the book having been first been published in 2000, is still fresh and relevant two decades later.
Main Takeaways.
> Our culture has double standards for age differences between both sexes that are demeaning and damaging for women and are based on patriarchal views of relationships and of what a woman brings to a relationship for this to be successful.> Couples with important age differences face the same challenges as other couples, and succeed and fail in the same ways and as much.
> Inter-age relationships in which the woman is much older are a new paradigm in relationships that hasn't sunk in in our culture as yet. These couples are creating new archetypal ways of relating, have to make their way on their own, and can’t look to former relationship models to guide them through this journey.
> Despite what your friends or the media tells you, there are gazillion examples of happy durable inter-age relationships in which the woman is older or much older.
> The book offers practical sound advice to face both partner's family and peers, on how to deal with women's own doubts about the relationship and body image, and advice on who not to become your younger partner's mother, teacher or just smother him, among other things. There are many real life examples and we get to see both sides, men's and women's who are/were in this kind of relationship and are/were happy and fulfilled.
> Courtship old-style works also in this kind of relationships.
> The fact that men are much younger doesn't ever excuse their bad behavior.
> The authors reminds us of what true intimacy is and what is not is so obvious and so poignant.
> It debunks the myth that all young men who date older women are gigolos and also the myth that these older women have a wounded ego and/or are nymphomaniacs.
> There are many challenges specific to this kind of relationships.
> This quote from one of the real life stories: “God,” I prayed, “send me someone who loves my body more than I do.” (p. 154).
> You may not be what his family expected him to bring home and you may not have been their choice as his mate, but a family who truly is invested in their son’s happiness will see the benefits and happiness you bring to his life. (pp. 180-181).
Downsides.
> Perhaps the main downside of the book is the fact that the book feels a bit repetitive at times re the existence of double standards and the patriarchal weight on the views on this kind of relationships.
> Some of the examples come from couples whose age difference isn't even 10 years, something that I personally don't consider a bit deal, and is widely accepted nowadays.
> As this is a Kindle edition, I would have loved a bit of update been made using new psychology and relationships studies and the evolution of relationships in society.
> Some of the examples come from couples whose age difference isn't even 10 years, something that I personally don't consider a bit deal, and is widely accepted nowadays.
> As this is a Kindle edition, I would have loved a bit of update been made using new psychology and relationships studies and the evolution of relationships in society.
Kindle Edition.
A good edition overall, but the two links provided re websites to dating without age restrictions mentioned at the end of the book aren't longer current.
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