This is Marketing: You Can’t Be Seen Until You Learn To See by Seth Godin (2018)

, 31 Mar 2019

This is the first book I read by Godin, and I've enjoyed it so much that I will certainly read more of his works in the future. In the past I read marketing books for pleasure, not to be 'manipulated' by advertisers, i.e. as a shield kind of thing.Cialdini's first book ('Influence') has always been a book of reference for me in that regard. However, I've always felt that it fell short for the needs of the modern contemporary Internet-dominated society and market.

This is Marketing fills the gap, adding elements that are relevant to the social, cultural and marketing reality of the 21st century; elements that I can use to think about selling my services without having to think about learning psychological tactics that are already well-known, have been used and overused for decades, and no longer work.

 

TARGET READER

Godin's book is a a book that gives you food-for-thought more than a book that provides you with a proper system to implement things. Godin himself states that this is not a step-by-step set of tactics but a compass and, to me, that's true. To me that's inspirational.

I see the book more targeted to lay people and small biz entrepreneurs than a book devoted to professional marketers, who might react with a 'what?!" to some of the points that Godin makes. 

 

GODIN'S CORE MARKETING PRINCIPLES

+ Marketing seeks more market share, more customers, and more work. 
+ Marketing is driven by better service, better community, and better outcomes.  
+ Marketing creates culture:  Status, affiliation, and people like us.  
+ Marketing is change: Change the culture, change your world. Marketers make change happen.  
+ Each of us is a marketer and has the ability to make more change than we can imagine. 
+ Our opportunity and our obligation is to do marketing that we’re proud of.

 

GREAT THINGS 

+ The thing I like the most about this book is Godin's clear understanding of contemporary group dynamics, conformity trends, cultural disruption, and cultural influence. Above all, what stands out to me is the author's emphasis on serving the client or customer, treating them with respect, and not selling yourself too short in the process.

+ Probably because I experience the over-dominance of Facebook and Google as something dangerous and even burdensome, I loved Godin's insistence on narrative instead of advertising, and on care as a way to obtain profit.

+ Godin debunks the fallacy of the efficiency of FB and Google paid adds in marketing small businesses. 

+ The book reads with gusto, and has a very simple language.

+ Some of the examples that Godin uses to exemplify his points are really good, too.

+ The explanation of why the same book gets both 1-star and 5-star reviews is really good.

+ The advice on how to treat loyal customers who ring a call center to complain.

+ The definition of goal, and how it differs from a strategy and a tactic. 

+ The difference between direct marketing and brand marketing, and why the latter is better for your biz. 

+ The selected readings list at the end of the book is really good. 

+ Godin's remarks on permission. 

MY FAVORITE NUGGETS

>  "Online advertising is also the most ignored advertising ever created. It’s not unusual to run an ad in front of a hundred thousand people and get not a single click. It’s not unusual for an entire ad campaign to start, run, and finish without making any impact on the culture. (p. 169). 
>  "If you’re buying direct marketing ads, measure everything. Compute how much it costs you to earn attention, to get a click, to turn that attention into an order. Direct marketing is action marketing, and if you’re not able to measure it, it doesn’t count." (p. 172).  
>  "The lifetime value of a new customer rarely exceeds the cost of running the ads necessary to get a new customer. People are so distrustful, and the web is so cluttered, that the ads rarely have enough power to pay for themselves."  (p. 210).
> "Lowering your price doesn’t make you more trusted. It does the opposite." (p. 185).

 WHERE TO START READING

~ The Simple Marketing Sheet at the end of the book, especially if you get to book to help you market something you want to sell.  

~ Chapter 23, as it summarizes the main points discussed in the book .

 

DOWNSIDES

 __ The core message is repeated over and over again, sometimes unnecessarily.

__ I would have loved that Godin provided a few more examples on certain points he makes to make his advice more precise and less generic. 

__ Some statements are a bit vague. An example: "And then, with this knowledge, overdo your brand marketing. Every slice of every interaction ought to reflect the whole. Every time we see any of you, we ought to be able to make a smart guess about all of you." (p. 175). 

__ The book reads like an upgraded collection of blog entries, which makes a great read, but lacks the patina of seriousness that makes things trustworthy for the newcomer. When you get a footnote system where you back what you say, the trust is immediately there; when you don't do that, I have the doubt whether some of the statements are hyperbolic or just a way of speaking. No doubt, Godin is  a powerful voice in the marketing world, but I have difficulties taking bombastic statements at face value, no matter how much I like the speaker.  

__ Godin defines marketing in p. 2 as "the generous act of helping someone solve a problem. Their problem". I consider that BS, sorry. I think marketing is the act of selling something to people who might need or not need it, might want it or not, especially the act of selling to people who would initially say no to something.

__ Godin repeats over and over that marketers create change. I think that's a bit of BS, too. The way I see it is, marketers sell change, and that's great in itself. People who really make change in the world, do so mostly outside the marketing world, sorry. The world of ideas, the word of science, the world of art, the world of technology. I see change coming from scientists, philosophers, artists, and innovators, not so much from marketers. Navel-looking hyperbolas work when giving a conference, in a book, not so much. 

MIND

Godin himself states that the book is based on a hundred-day seminar that involved both lessons and peer-to-peer coaching around shared work. (p.2), and that some bits of his blog are also incorporated (p. 259). 

BAD ENGLISH 

> “Treat the others the way you’d want to be treated.” (p. 234). 
> “Build a team with the capacity and the patience to do the work that needs doing.” (p. 235).


Creating the Impossible. A 90-Day Programme to get your dreams out of your head and into the world by Michael Neill (2015)

, 23 Feb 2019

Creating the Impossible is an easy-to-read soulful book, the main aim of which is to unleash your mojo to start up, follow through and finish any project, creative, business or personal. You can read this book just to get you motivated with your current project, to wisely choose one among your many projects, or even to think of a project that you haven't thought yet and create it from scratch.

The project or program is thirteen weeks long. The first week is devoted to the basic principles of creation, and the second week to help you choose the project you will be working on the remaining eleven weeks. Each week has an impossible challenge or exercise based on the principles of creation. Each chapter corresponds to a day, and each day/chapter starts with a quote and a brief essay that works as a catalyst to give you insight and get you out of your square thinking, to get inspired and take action; some days also have suggestions for different exercises or experiments. There is a day off a week just to breath, rest, refuel and look back at what you've done in the last seven days. The book can be used step by step or randomly, as a kind of biz oracle. 

THE CORE KEYS
> The ultimate formula for successful creation according to Michael Neill is:
+ Show up, i.e. be present with anything you do.
+ Begin moving in the direction you want to create what you want.
+ Things will show up as soon as you move, but things won't never show up if you don't move.
+ Respond to what it shows up: good things, bad things, new people, new side projects, new circumstances. The steps of the path will appear at the same time as you move.
+ Take a leap of faith in whatever you do.
+ Do this on a regular basis. If you do this, you will get there.
+ Our experience of life is created from inside the mind.
> The main rule for choosing a great project is asking yourself: Does the thought of it make me gasp, grin, or giggle?
> The main difficulty to carry out a project is not starting it, it is following it through to fruition as the space between the beginning and the end is a muddy land that you have to work through. And how do you do that? Just work on it, every day, consistently.
> Get out of your own way.
> Cultivate your 'inner knowing', commonly called 'intuition'.
> Have fun in whatever you do, so your project doesn't become a burden and you are fully engaged.
> Operate with an acceptance of failure. 

THE GOOD
> The book is really good at shifting your way of thinking to get you unstuck and away from your usual patterns of thought and behaviour that sabotage any project you might undertake. Neill makes you think about business, creativity and new projects from a different angle, i.e. think out of the box. Each chapter ends with a small feedback form in which you report to yourself what you did, how you did it, and in which way you showed up for your project; even if you don't fill it in, it allows you to be honest with yourself about whether you are doing much, enough or not enough to carry out your project.
> If you want a hand-on book, practical and guiding, this is exactly what you need. 
> The examples and stories that Neill uses to illustrate each entry's main point are interesting, right to the point and illustrative.
> Neill makes a brilliant distinction between effort and reward to get productivity: The ratio between your effort and the reward you get for that effort.If we get high levels of reward for each effort, we are highly productive; if we don’t, no matter how much time and energy we’re putting into the job, we aren’t. Yet typical productivity systems are based on the idea that there is always a 1:1 ratio between effort and reward, so essentially one unit of effort will bring one unit of reward. (p 31-2).
> Neill also makes a brilliant distinction between success and personal worth, or vice versa. Something that most people should remind themselves of on a daily basis:  It’s easier to just win a race than it is to win a race in order to prove you are the fastest animal in the world. We often believe that our value and worth in the world are dependent on our performance. In fact, our value and worth in the world are a given, and have nothing to do with what we do or don’t do with our life. No amount of success or failure will make us any more or less worthy of love and respect. (p. 138).
> Each chapter ends with a summary of the main points discussed in it, which makes it really handy for re-reading. 
> I started reading the book when I had already started my own project and, honestly, some of the things that Neill says resonated with me because I've  experienced them to be the case.
> Neil has an infectious way of writing and of believing that you can do anything, so that's always a great start! He's your biggest fan and cheerleader.
> Nelil's method, if meticulously followed, works. There are a few success stories in the book and among the reviewers that prove it. I think that there aren't more success stories because the two main difficulties entrepreneurs have to hurdle over are their own procrastination (something that only you can prevent from happening and this book doesn't dwell upon) and  being stuck in your mind, mindset, or blocking your creative ideas, and not knowing what to do, and this book will help you with that.
THE SO-SO
> Neil's main points are a rehash of things said by other creativity and business gurus. He relies a lot on Syd Banks, and some of the things he says are something you don't need to buy his book to learn. For example: Thoughts are things. Or also Start something, do something regularly, keep on keeping on regardless of what shows up, don't obsess about it, give it time to mature, and you will eventually get there. Anything that you didn't know already?
> Sometimes the advice is a bit to vague to be useful.
> There are too many quotes in the book.
> Each chapter finishes with an exercise for you to get your juices flowing, but some of them are a bit vague.
> You'll need a book on how to defeat procrastination because, if that is your problem, you won't find a solution here; at best, you will notice that you are procrastinating.
> Sorry, but synchronicity is not luck at all. If you want to talk about lucky coincidences that's fine, but don't call that synchronicity because it is not. 

EDITION
It would have been great having some cross references found in the Kindle format linked back and forward. E.g., I found a reference to page 35 in page 126 , but there was no hyperlink.

BONUS MINI-SEMINAR
One can access a seven-part free talk on the main ideas of the book given by Neil himself, by following the prompts in this book. I think if you got to see those seven videos, you'd realise that those are more than enough to get what Neil is saying in the book.

IN SHORT
A good encouraging book that will make you think about your project differently. You have certainly head many of the things said here elsewhere, some of them fall into the category of common sense, but Neil implements a method that will support your mental shift, win over your worst enemy -- you! and defeat your self-defeating ways of thinking, behaving and creating. Neill is your biggest supporter, and that's priceless.  


Cicada by Shaun Tan (2018)

, 21 Feb 2019

This is a short story about a cicada who works in a  human corporate building, and feels mistreated and unappreciated.

The way the story is painted and the main character are an example of Tan's artistic mastery.  I love the grey and green main tones of the story, the wondrous Etcher-like settings, and the awesome atmosphere, something that looks effortlessly easy because Tan is a genius at what he does.  The precision of his drawing pen and the artistry of his paintings are totally awesome, as well as his chiaroscuro work. The book has a cinematic feeling to me, too.

The story, though, is simplistic, which is understandable as the target readers are both children and adults.  As an adult who has read almost everything published by Tan, I feel that the story is a bit sketchy and might not resonate with everyone. That's my case. Yes, for sure I can get the story lesson. I'm sure that it will help children and adults see that one can always escape oppressive circumstances, people and settings and fly away, choose how one lives; however, the way the story is narrated feels a bit lacking to me. Put it differently, the book feels more like a sketch of a story to be further developed than a round story.

I love everything that Tan draws and paints, and buy almost everything he publishes, but the storytelling here feels a bit hurried up and not polished enough to me.


Healing the Nightmare. Freeing the Soul. A Practical Guide to Dreamwork by Margaret Bowater (2016)

, 10 Feb 2019

If you have never read a book about nightmares and want to start with one that is written in lay language, simple to understand, enjoyable to read, and with a good selection of nightmares, this is your book.

The first part of the book, Groundwork, the conclusion chapter, and some of the bulleted items of advice presented at the end of each chapter are the most useful items of advice you'll find in the book. The Further Reading selection and some of the information collected from secondary sources referred to throughout the book is excellent; the footnotes are really professional, and linked back and forth, nothing I take for granted.

The collection of dreams used throughout the book is really good and show well how trauma appears in dreams and how dreamwork can heal the psyche and the soul wounds. The book is organized around different specific traumatic experiences that generate bad dreams or nightmares. Thus, we find examples of:
> War veterans, after-surgery, work-related stress, and natural disasters dreams.
> Children nightmares related to bullying, sexual abuse, domestic violence of hospitalization.
> Nightmares resulting from physical and mental illnesses.
> Nightmares related to spiritual issues like, for example, loss of meaning, loss of love, religious crisis, encounters with the evil, spiritual emergence, spiritual invasion and spiritual healing.
> Psychic nightmares like telepathic and telesomatic dreams, precognitive warning dreams, clairvoyance, past-life and prophetic dreams. 
> Dreams related to psychological death and dreams that appear before dying. 


REALLY USEFUL TIPS

One of the main takes of the book for the lay reader is how beneficial dreamwork is for people who suffer from nightmares and bad dreams, and how transformational it can be.

Some of the things I found more useful and practical are the following:
> The seven-step model to start working with a dream: 1. Ask the dreamer to tell the dream and sketch it. 2. Notice the setting. 3. Identify what the ‘I-figure’ of the dream is feeling and doing. 4. Ask how this fits with the dreamer’s life context at the time. 5. Get the dreamer's associations with dream elements. 6. Does the dream story need a better ending? 7. Consider possible meanings. To which an eight can be added: choose a nightmare and imagine a new ending for it.

> What to do if a child shows trauma reactions: 1. Calm the child down and reassure them of your protection. 2. Encourage the child to tell you the nightmare in detail and to draw it. Don't minimize the feelings involved. Help them to create a different ending that  supports the child's self-esteem. 3. Take seriously repeating nightmares in which the child’s body is invaded and listen to the child without making any suggestion. If the child’s behavior is seriously disturbed, consult a child psychotherapist.

> The five stages of healing process that appear in series of nightmares: 1. Self-protection. 2. Acknowledgement. 3. Effects. 4. Growth and understanding. 5. Renegotiation.

> The method to work with our shadow in dreamwork.

> The 'Martian Interview', which is a kind of gestalt technique.

CORE MESSAGES OF THE BOOK
> Dreams in general and nightmares in particular have all a beneficial function for the psyche if they are dealt with appropriately.
> All dreams present a similar format, except for the fact that the storyline is interrupted at the heated point in nightmares.
> Series of nightmares, when working on them, through dreamwork, tend to show a favourable positive progression, until the core fear or issue is faced and resolved, and then the nightmares also stop. However, those series of nightmares that are persistently or increasingly disturbing need of psychological or medical attention.
> Children having nightmares need to be listened to, and attention given to their dreams to see what is creating stress in their waking life. Never disregard a child's dream or tell them that it is only a dream.

DOWNSIDES
Bowater has great experience working with traumatic dreams and nightmares; however, her voice  is muffled by herself and she appears more like a dream compiler than an independent strong voice. It is a pity because she could have provided us with more practical tools to explore nightmares and rely more on her own experiential work as dream-worker. Unfortunately, some of the most interesting information used in the book comes not from direct experience but from secondary sources.

The chapter on psychic dreams barely has any nightmare in it except for those associated to the past-life section. 

Some of the items of advice Bowater gives are too generic or too common sense to be of help or something you expect to find in a book written by an experienced dream practitioner. Some of the self-help items mentioned at the end of each chapter can be easily found on the web.

I would have loved a bit of more detail about how to work with dreams, more specifically directed to people starting as dream practitioners, and a bit of more personal reflections derived from Bowater's own experience and less references to other people's work.

Eben Alexander's book Proof of Heaven, which Bowater mentions in her book, has been highly criticized as untruthful or scientifically questionable, and labelled a con by many people.




EXTRA
Some of the dreams are illustrated, and the illustrations are really fun and cute.However, the quality of reproduction is not good on Kindle for Android or in Kindle for PC.

The Enlightened Sex Manual: Sexual Skills for the Superior Lover by David Deida (2007)

, 12 Jan 2019

If you have never read Deida, want to read one of his books and are undecided on which one to  choose, this is, to me, your book. Whether you read it or listen to it in Audible format, this is the clearer more practical Deida, still with all the points that make him one of the must-reads in couples relationships.

If you have read other books by Deida, you'll find that many of the things he  says here, no surprise, are a rehearse of what he said in Intimate Communion and It's a guy Thing or Instant Enlightenment :
>  The difference between love, fall in love and sexual polarity; 
> The differences between the ways the masculine and feminine energies manifest and relate.
> The core qualities of the masculine and the feminine. 
> What attracts to the masculine and the feminine.
> The three stages of being of the masculine and feminine and the three stages of relating.
However, he's more to the point and clearer here than in the other books I mention.  Deida also goes into a bit of more depth regarding sexuality and discusses:
> The six levels of sexuality.
> The darkest aspects of the masculine/feminine and sexuality. 
> Monogamy, polygamy and commitment.

This audible version has three sets of guided long exercises to do, one on your own and with your partner. The aim is to create an open circulating connection of the breath, the body, heart, the divine and energy, very Tantric in essence. They help to connect partners in very powerful ways, enhancing orgasm and heart connection. Copulating with the divine is an image that I won't be able to forget.

Two little thingies.:
> The first is that Deida uses the word primitive-civilised in ways that are outdated and not considered appropriate, as they are western-centric; really some primitive cultures are way more evolved than 'civilised' ones, in many things about being civilised aren't that evolved, are an involution.
> As I've commented in other books by Deida, his comments on women abused by domestic violence should be re-written so his message is expressed in a way that doesn't sound like it's the victim's fault. I get that this is not what Deida intends at all, but most women out there might feel uncomfortable, to say the least, at reading/hearing some of the connections about feminine energy and being abused that Deida makes.  

The audible edition of the book has a great sound quality, and it is wonderfully neat and well-structured. The book is narrated by Deida himself. Deida has a great diction and is a natural in the way he narrates the book, without the listener feeling that Deida is reading anything; he also has a wonderful voice, very masculine, velvety, and sensual, which might turn on some of the ladies and get an extra bonus.

The best thing I've read from Deida, still with his usual Tantric, sexy, spiritual, untamed no-BS approach to relating.

Instant Enlightenment: Fast, Deep and Sexy by David Deida (2007)

, 8 Jan 2019

The secret to gifting your life’s deepest purpose is to open through what you most resist, so your love’s mission can bless the world—untrapped by your accumulated history of memories. (p. 118).
Instant Enlightenment is a book of exercises that will surprise you, challenge you and provoke you. You can read the chapters in order or choose one at random;  read the book from beginning to end or do an exercise for some days and then retake it. The book is very experiential, not only because some exercises are involved, but because some of the exercises will make you experience concepts that are very difficult to describe or explain by writing. Some of the exercises are liberating and sexy, others are thought-provoking, others a retake on things you might have already heard, and others plain odd.

SO WHAT'S INSTANT ENLIGHTENMENT?
Deida doesn't offer a definition at the beginning but in different instances throughout the book. Deida uses the term instant enlightenment in a very spiritual way most of the times, but his enlightenment is that also that of the flesh. If we put together the mini-definitions of IE spread throughout the book we get that IE is total openness to experiences and people, no matter how good or bad they are, a total openness of the heart even when things go wrong and we are hurt. IE is the right-here-right now, being free of the past and the future. IE is love, the Universal type, pervading anything and everything. IE is responsibility, so love is also responsibility.  IE is "awareness ringing open as space, to love and feel all, every animal, plant, rainstorm, and idea.

I LOVED
I just love the way Deida makes us open our hearts and see things differently. Deida mixes exercises, ideas and advice that come from counseling, body heat telepathy, Jungian psychology Manifestation and Universal laws, meditation, visualization and Zen Buddhism backgrounds, but the result is a very organic unique coherent combo. My favorite chapters/experiential exercises are Oral, Swear, Hate, Masturbate, Speech, Romance, Radio, and Hero.

Like James Hollis, Deida reminds us that "You are a link in a chain of suffering that affords you the luxury of reading these words. It’s not your fault, but it is your responsibility." (p. 162). I think that's always a good reminder of how fortunate we are having a normal life.
I HAD TROUBLE WITH
Deida tends to say beautiful things that touch one's heart, but he can be also very abstract and his advice impractical. I feel that he talks from his heart, from something he has experienced, but he's not always able to convey that in words, perhaps because that cannot be properly conveyed in words but has to be experienced. Some other things he says are difficult to do unless one is meditating and scanning our body in a meditative state. Some examples:
1/ So, instead of trying to view it, relax open as this ever-present background of feeling-openness. Take care not to seek blissfulness as an aspect of your true self. Who you truly are is an openness of love in which bliss may or may not be noticed. (p. 129).  
2/everything you do is love’s gift, unless you are unwilling to be lived by love’s force.  Do nothing, but if doing happens, do it as love’s most fully offered art (pp. 160-161). 
3/ Be utterly lazy, and then do whatever you find yourself doing, as an offering for others. For instance, if a blink happens, feel the blink as a work of art, offered outwardly for love’s sake. If others were to see you blink, they would feel, “Now, that is a beautiful blink.” (p. 160).

QUESTION
Deida states "So few people seem to have exhausted their desire for 'better' that very few models exist for a life lived from the perspective-free openness of being." (p. 209).
My question is isn't Instant Enlightenment a way of bettering?

I DIDN'T LIKE  
I couldn't connect with some of the exercises at all and with some of the statements made in them. Perhaps the chapter Nipples was my last favourite, because of some of the statements made in them. For example: 
1/ "Squeeze your own nipples until they almost hurt but are still tingling with pleasure. (…) Offer this feeling in your nipples to your ancestors, in gratitude for the suffering they experienced so you could be born and have your nipples squeezed to pleasure." (pp. 73-74). 
2/   Imagine that you were a great spiritual being, perhaps Jesus of Nazareth, or the Buddha from India, or Yeshe Tsogyal of Tibet, or Mother Teresa from Albania. Also imagine that your whole body is as sensitive as your nipples. (p. 75).

I don't want to think of my ancestors when I squeeze my nipples or of Mother Theresa when I feel my body in full-bloom pleasure to get enlightened, sorry. I know it makes sense in Deida's mind, but to me is a bit irreverent, even though I'm not a religious person; I think it might offend religious people. Personally, I thought that the exercises were good per se without the need to invoke the saints into the party. 
I WANTED MORE OF 
I wanted more sexy enlightenment, more taboos explored, and more couples enlightenment. I know, I sound so frivolous, but I guess expected this book to be more about sexy enlightenment than about instant enlightenment.
IN SHORT
A beautiful, albeit odd uneven book, that it is still enthralling to read, with a beautiful message of Universal love and openness of the heart. You can practice some of the exercises without a problem and get a lot of enlightened juice out them. Others are difficult to do, at least to me, unless you are into proper Buddhist/Zen meditation or  familiar with Tantric Yoga.

It's A Guy Thing: A Owner's Manual for Women: An Owners Manual for Women by David Deida (2010)

, 5 Jan 2019

As a couples counsellors, Deida's unique emphasis on sexual polarity, on understanding the different ways women and men, communicate, relate and are, and the different ways in which masculine and feminine energies manifest and interact,  explains why many of this books, this included, become a before-and-after book for many women, tired of the usual bluff they find in relationship and dating books. It's a Guy Thing is still relevant and useful for women, even though it was first published in 1997.

This is a Q&A sort of book on all things  men. Most of the questions are something that most women have asked themselves, or are still asking themselves, about the men in their life. If you have read something else by Deida, you will find here what you can find in other of his books, but with a few more practical tips on precise queries. If you haven't read any of Deida's books, you will still be surprised by his bold, unique and challenging voice; yet, I would recommend you by read Intimate Communion first, to best understand what Deida means by sexual polarity and Deida's tantric approach to relationships.

GREAT 
Deida makes great comments and gives great advice throughout the book, but one of the statements that I liked the most was this: "This inner child responds when our buttons, our childhood wounds, get pushed. Our feminine button gets pushed when we feel unloved; our masculine button gets pushed when we feel constrained and not free to do what we want. In response to feeling unloved or constrained, we act like little children. “If you don’t give me the love (or freedom) that I want, then I’m going to collapse or close down or leave you.” No man is capable of always giving you the love that you want. When your inner child doesn’t get its way it will want to run away, collapse or kick back. Intimacy, like parenthood, is a practice that requires giving love to your partner even while he is pushing your buttons or kicking your shins. Love begets love. Punishment and withdrawal without love do not provide the basis for trust and real growth in intimacy". (loc. 2333).
TO IMPROVE
The book reads at times as a transcription of a real Q&A due to the constant repetition of the same statement within a given question, which is something that easily happens while giving a talk, but something inexcusable in a book in which an editor has put some work. The book would have benefited of a bit of verbal weeding.

NOT NEW
Having John Gray's Men are from Mars and Women from Venus among my favourite books on relationships, I found that many of the things that Deida says in this book were basically a repetition
of what Dr Gray had written in 1992 (Deida's book was written in 1995).

MISSING
Deida's analysis would have benefited from Gary Chapman's points in The Five Languages of Love (1995). One of the most important things you can do to re-energise your relationship is learning to recognise the way your partner gives love and wants love to be given to him/her.  The 'languages of love' aren't based on polarity, doing-receiving-giving kinda stuff, but on the way individual personalities (not gender or sexual energies) feel loved and express their love.

DANGEROUS
Deida says, "Very frequently in abusive relationships, for instance, one partner will have difficulty leaving even though it’s in her best interest. She has become addicted to the relationship". (loc. 1990)

I think that this comment should be amended or eliminated. People working with domestic violence victims will tell you that addiction is not what keeps most women attached to the abuser. Moreover, the statement, unintentionally I believe, puts somewhat the blame on the victim. 


Working Identity : Unconventional Strategies for Reinventing Your Career by Herminia Ibarra (2004)

, 6 Dec 2018

I've had an odd experience with this book. I first bought it when I was informed of my near lay-off after years working for the same company; I got irritated with the theoretical business academic approach to the subject and the fact that most examples were of high-profile business or finance people. So I stopped reading it. I retook the book a couple of weeks ago, a few months after I first started reading it and after going through the process of  transition on my own. All of the sudden, bingo!, Ibarra's words clicked with me, because I've found that many of the things that Ibarra mentions are really also part of my process of transition as I am experiencing it.

Working Identity is structured in two parts. The first discusses the process of questioning and testing our work identities, and the second describes the actions that increase the likelihood of making a successful change. Chapter 8 is a summary of the whole book and really the part where I recommend you to start because it goes through the main points discusses throughout the book minus the fillers. The appendix is quite academic, but not too dry, and it was necessary to understand Ibarra's methodology and theoretical approach to the research that produced this book.

Ibarra states that her objective was to generate rather than to test theory; also that her objective wasn't to predict who will or won't change careers, but rather to identify the basic tasks of reinvention. I think she succeeds at doing both things. Ibarra has a great insight into the process of change itself, which she describes with accuracy, and she's able to distil lessons from the many study cases and real life people mentioned throughout the book. Looking at my own experience in  transitioning, I find that many of the things Ibarra says are really true for me, too, even though I am not, by any means, a high profile finance guy.

Working Identity debunks the fallacy that our professional identity is one, and that our personal identity fits just one job identity. Regardless of whether the transition is voluntary or forced, and assuming that you want to change careers (otherwise you are wasting your time on this book), the core of the book is that our professional identity is as much a psychological construction as it is a social construction, and that transition takes us to roads that might be an extension, development or jump off the cliff from those things we are familiar with. The process of career transition is a long road of personal trial and error until we find something that it's just right and fits us perfectly. One thing is imagining ourselves  doing whatever, and another thing doing it; one thing is learning how to do something new and then enjoying it; one thing is imagining our life-long hobby for X being our profession and another seeing that this won't give us the life, money or fulfilment that we crave. However, if  we don't try those paths, we'll never know. Trying means learning on the spot, experiencing the challenges and chaos, and how we feel about the reality of the new 'thing' emerging, whether it suits us or not and whether we want to stay or move on. The process is intertwined with passion, drive, and our natural talents, but it needs of patience and perseverance.  Sometimes the career transition will take us to places that we never considered ours, or thought we would be good at, or thought possible, and yet, if we have the determination, persistence and drive we might end just doing something totally 'unlike us', which is very much us.
Ibarra's reasearch unearths 9 unconventional strategies for reinventing our careers:
1/ Act your way into a new way of thinking and being. You cannot discover yourself by introspection.
2/ Stop trying to find your one true self. Focus on which of your many possible selves you want to test and learn more about.
3/ Allow yourself a transition period in which it's OK to oscillate between holding on and letting go. Better to live the contradictions than to come to a premature resolution.
4/ Resist the temptation to start by making a big decision that will change everything in one fell swoop. Use a strategy of small wins, in which incremental gains lead you to more profound changes.
5/ Identify projects that can help you get a feel for a new line of work or style of working and do these as extracurricular activities.
6/ Find people who are what you want to be and who can provide support for the transition. They won't be in your same old social circles.
7/ Use everyday occurrences to find meaning in the changes you are going through. Practice telling and retelling your story. Over time, it will clarify.
8/ Step back for a little while.
9/ Change happens in bursts and starts.

If you have read a bit about change and transition possibly you won't be wowed by the list overall, and you have already heard/read some of the things in the list in other books. However Ibarra's focus on doing before thinking and her exploration of personal and professional identities, the many selves that we carry inside us, and how those selves morph during the period of chaos that goes from starting a career transition to really transitioning, as well as the importance of our personal 'myth' or story are excellent, enlightening and something that not everybody speaking about career transition will spend much time discussing, even though they are important, or so I feel. This was, as a matter of fact, what resonated with me the most.

THE DOWNSIDES
The first downside of the book to me is that the case studies, diary records and summarising of personal stories go forever, for pages. Those would have been necessary if this was a thesis presented in academic circles. As this is a book directed to the general public the need to be so exhaustive is not an issue. I understand the need to provide examples and real cases, but those occupy a good part of the written book. Was that necessary to convey Ibarra's point? I don't think so. She could have provide details of cases, without the need to go to the extent she does.

Ibarra says "It is better to start by trying out a possible new role on a small scale—in our spare time, on a time-limited sabbatical, or as a weekend project. And as we will see in the next chapter, an added—and necessary—advantage of experimenting is that while we are trying out new roles, we meet people who will help change our lives." (p. 113).  Most of the study cases are of financially stable people, quite well-off, who had the luxury of expending the time necessary to switch careers, juggle two things at the same time or take a sabbatical to work on their career reinvention. However, most people coming to this book, won't have that luxury. Ibarra itself explains that people who lose their jobs are at a great risk of short-circuiting the process as they can't stagger their time out because basically, for the transition to flourish, it needs of a basic level of security, personal, economical and psychological. However, she provides little evidence of this because his group of study basically has no person who is transitioning in that way, or is in their mid 50s, or unmarried for example. This being the case, many of the people who will get this book looking for help and inspiration will find that there is little for them in those examples.


MIND 
The group of people focus of the book are college-educated population, professionals and academics, most of them are related to the world of economics, finances and business. I'm a professional and I could barely relate to most of those examples except for one case. If you are one of the Harvard School guys, you will certainly enjoy the examples and find them meaningful to you. Otherwise, you will find those people and their stories are nothing you can relate to. It would have been great if Ibarra had chosen a more balanced mix of people, people from different backgrounds, people in their mid 50s, people who transition after being laid off, and people who are not so businessy. 

IN SHORT
If you read the book after your career reinvention, it will make great sense. If you do so at the beginning you might get irritated at the lack of how-to (because her how-to items of advice are too generic to be of any use), and, as Ibarra herself states the how-to varies from person to person and their circumstances. So, that's what I call a how-not-to-do a 'how to do". Overall, a very well-researched book, with great insight of what professional identity is.

TYPOS
At least on Kindle for PC and in my android, there are repeated cases of lack of hyphen in cases where a word seems it was. Perhaps a space is what's is missing. I don't know. See for example:
> twoyear period (p. 100)
> a highprofile legal dispute (p. 106)
> thirtytwo (p. 178)