Crenshaw's Books & Decks

This is a very short but very useful and practical book on what manipulation is, how manipulators act and what you can do about it. It is written by an experienced psychotherapist in a very simple language, really easy to understand for the lay reader. Unlike so many other authors, he does not mix apples with bananas (so to speak) and puts in the same basket things like how to influence people and manipulative behaviour, overt manipulation and covert manipulation (the latter mostly hidden and the worst of all kinds of manipulation).

The first part of the is a categorization of what manipulation in general is, covert aggression specifically, and the different types of manipulative people you can find. He uses long study real-life cases that show how these people operate. The second part is the practical one, and shows how manipulators operate practically, which sort of techniques and behaviour they show, which buttons of yours they push, and what you can do about it. This part is very well organized, very sound, and useful.

Some of the main takes from the book, among others, are:

> Many of these manipulators do not have any trauma background or anything that justifies their actions. They are nasty per se.

> Covert aggression is an attack, always hidden, never explicit, and has a hidden agenda. The agenda is using you the more the better. All covert aggression is active, intentional and aggressive in its nature.

> Manipulators come in all shapes, ages, social status, civil status, gender and religious beliefs.

> Most covert-aggressive people have a character disturbance, wear a social mask, and don't want to change.

> You cannot and must not try to understand why these people operate the way they do. A psychotherapist should be doing that. You have to take care of yourself, put yourself and escape as fast and as soon as you see them manipulating.

> Learn which are your weakest points in your character, because these are the buttons they will push you to use you.

The main downside of the book, to me, is the fact that the two parts of the same are quite unbalanced, with the descriptive part occupying most of the book. I think most readers would come to this book looking for tools to use, not for a description of people who they are probably already found. Although, I agree with many of the things Simon says in the epilogue, I consider it unnecessary, a big preachy, and does not help the reader to get more "juice" from the book. Finally, I missed among the ways of identifying manipulators more tools on the language they use, which makes easier to spot them before, during and after you get involved with them.

This is a good read, like a basic introduction to the subject. I wanted more!